Is your life what you would call a complete success? Come on now really?
Welcome to I Hate My Roommate! This whole site started because I had a bad roommate and found it pretty funny to make fun of him. It’s funny how some people can live in such a mess and expect not to get made fun of. I’m sure I am not the only one out there with a bad roommate so this is the place where you can let that anger out!
I’ve heard so many stories of bad roommates so this is just going to be a collective of stories from my friends, but you can submit stories too.
There are 2 different types of posts we are going to have on the site. First there is going to be posts like this, which are large posts that we are going to call stories. They can include photos, videos, etc but do not have to. To submit a story you can use our Submit a Story page or alternatively you can send an e-mail to stories@ihatemyroommate.org.
Our second type of post is called, “Dear Roommate”. Do you ever wish you could leave your roommate a short letter telling them how much you hate them? On the right side of the page you will see a Dear Roommate section where you can leave a quick note that will automatically be added to the Dear Roommate section here.
Also remember to follow us on twitter and become a fan of our Facebook Page!
Dear Roommate,
YES, EVERYONE knows you are a fucking alcoholic. You can stop trying to hide it from everyone. They all know you drink 20 paps blue ribbons while you watch cartoons for 6 hours straight.
If you are going to go to bed at 8:00pm stop crying like a bitch when I have my lamp on to study, these are the consequences of being a 21 year old with a 9 year old’s bed time.
STOP asking me to punch you in the fucking liver because your pea brain believes it’ll heal it and make it stronger. Stop drinking so much and have some fucking will power for once.
Stop bragging about how good you are at baseball. You play on a shitty club team and lose every game. You will never make it into major league baseball, pitching 98 km/hour is not the same as 98 miles/hour you dumbass. And for the record, rock climbing is harder than sitting on the bench all day and pitching one inning you ignorant fuck.
New York State is not flat you asshole, Buffalo is part of new york state which happens to be flat. Not everyone that lives in New York is from the city you dumb shit.
Being a political science major does not make you a damn scientist, especially if you’re failing miserabaly. Drinking tea, doing yoga, eating healthy, and being comforatable with my body does not make me a “faggot” you homophobe.
Walking around in your boxers drunk and screaming “faggot” weekly to anyone in your vicinity might be one reason you are still a virgin. Stop crying the blues to me about how lonely you are. People don’t like ASSHOLES.
I can keep going but I think this is enough of a vent to get me through the next 2 weeks without clobbering you in your inbred face.
Sincerely,
your roomate
P.S. Stop bragging about how you have a baby face and how young you think you look. I’ve never in my life saw a baby with fucking crows feet, receeding hair line, forehead flaps, and a beer gut.
Dear roommate,
don’t throw trash everywhere.
If you do throw trash, clean them.
Don’t invite people over after lunch, when I want to rest. It’s incredibly inconsiderate. But then you never were a very considerate person.
I don’t hate you, but I do look forward to the time I will be able to get rid of you.
You drink everyday and up until recently you were able to convince me do it with you and ruin my life along with yours. All you do is whine about your life and how bad you have it, when you really have it the easiest of all of us. You are selfish and don’t learn from anything and refuse to grow up and take responsibility. Easily the most immature person I could imagine into existence. It doesnt help that you’re needy and when I avoid you, you literally keep pestering me and eventually resort to childishly slipping in personality insults into probably false stories about your day. They dont hurt me, they just make me feel bad for you and how transparent, shallow, and ignorant you are. You gonna fail at life or die drunkenly. Slut.
Dear Roommate,
Please grow up and shut up. Stop being a jerk to me and everyone I know and maybe I’d care about all your supposed problems. Stop treating me like your chauffeur and like that’s all I’m good for. Stop trashing the house and blaming it on me or the others, because we all know it’s you, and no one’s happy. Above all, stop manipulating me and guilting me into doing things for you/caring about you, because it’s despicable and you should know that.
I hate you. You used to be my friend, but now I hate every second you’re around. Every arrogant, selfish thing about you pisses me off. You are the worst kind of leech and a terrible person.
dear roommate.
you are supposed to be my best friend. since we were 11. you treat me like absolute shit. we have two classes together and you never say hi or bye. when you come in to the apartment or leave you never say hi or bye. what the fuck. every time i say something you respond like it is the most ignorant thing you’ve ever heard. which is unlikely since in the two classes we have together on the last two tests i have gotten high B’s and you have gotten D’s. so fuck you. i cant wait to move out in may and actually never see you again because im sure you wont call me and i for sure will never call you since you treat me like shit.
Dear Roomate,
You are soo silly sometimes, you are fully aware that i have a sleeping disorder and struggle to sleep well every night. You know this because of the proper steps i take to fall asleep every night and the amount of effort i put into maintaining good sleep and a proper sleep schedule. And because ohh yea i told you to your face several times. Yet you still continue to come into our 12ftx12ft dorm room every night at 2 am or later. i only get 5 or 6 or 7 hours of sleep a night due to our rigorous and high demanding academic schedule which isnt enough sleep to begin with. then on top of that you come in at 2am or later and wake me up every single night like clock work… i want to kick your teeth into your throat! i hate your ugly face and the odor that your body puts out. I mean if i were taking an uncharted amout of adderall everyday like you were i woudl be fine with not sleeping for days on end like you. But i dont. So my loving and caring room i have a solution for you. Go sprint into oncoming traffic, or chug a bottle of clorox or swollow some glass shards. and make sure you leave a note saying you did it on purpose so i can get a 4.0 gpa for every semester after. And if you wont do this than maybe you can find it in your heart to benefit my life in some way please.. just do somthing for me once. make my life a better place for once. ohh and by the way your girlfriend is ugly as shit and thinks she’s hot, and you probly think soo too. i feel bad for you both. i feel bad taht she has to put on 5lbs of make up to her face to even look in teh mirror and feel satisfied for a beifef moment and i feel bad that she is going out with you. and i feel bad for you cuz she cheated on you twice and your such an ugly flabby loser and you will never get another girl so you stay with her. wow it felt great to express my emotions and feelings for once. thank you website
Conner,
You fucking suck.
I clean up your fucking messes day in and out, and let you think that you are a tidy person without saying a word. But when all I ask is that you put bags in the trash after I take it to the dumpster, I don’t understand how I can get home 10 hours later and find empty trash cans lying on the floor.
I’m counting the seconds until I get to never see you again.
Burn in hell. Fuck your amplified shit bass playing waking me up in the morning.
Fuck your arrogance.
Fuck your ego.
Fuck your friends coming over by the dozen and torturing my cat.
Fuck you falling asleep with a mess on the coffee table and slinking off to bed, waking in the morning, and telling yourself you cleaned up when I cleaned your mess.
Fuck your interrupting snide remarks when I try to speak to you.
You are a slob, a pretentious child, and a horrible roommate.
You need some responsibility. I hope you learn that the hardest way.
Bitch,
FUCK YOU! Go crawl back into that cunt whole you busted out of 21 years ago.
Dear roommate you are a fat fucking bitch ass slob of a mommies boy. The only reason we picked you as a roommate was because you didn’t fucking smoke. Sure you have BO that smells like horseshit, and makes me want to vomit, but at least you didn’t smoke so it was… bearable. That is until you started smoking fucking weed all the fucking time. I told you to stop, and you said okay I won’t smoke in the apartment. You know I have allergies that make me very sensitive that make me sick when you smoke, but you do it anyways, even after you said you’d stop. You smoke tons of weed, and then because I obviously can smell it you open the window lock your door and leave. So now it stops smelling like weed and BO but it’s 30 degrees outside and the whole house fucking freezes. So I end up having to pay for you fucking smoking!!! Then your nosy mom, who comes up twice a week, and bitches to me and calls my parents telling them that I have the house running too high a temperature. Wake up call assholes!!!! I keep the house between 62 and 65 degrees, it’s cold but I deal. Then your bitch ass mom comes in and puts it down to 50 FUCKING DEGREES!!! Then my mom calls me, cause your mom called her and bitches at me that I’m using too much gas. She doesn’t believe the shit I tell her you do, cause she thinks it’s too dumb. She didn’t believe that you left the stove on for four hours, or that you burnt out our pot cause you forgot, lost the cullender, ate all my food, hid my peanut butter, or that your dad is giving you fucking money to buy pot! It’s so nice of you too repay me for when I drove you too school everyday because you didn’t have a car the whole first month. So nice of you too play Skyrim as loud as possible on my couch and my TV when I actually have to get up in the morning. You want to know why you such at school it’s because your a dumbass mommas boy who can’t even drive on the fucking highway, or put on a roll of toilet paper! You can however take three 30 minute showers a day though,and then use that gross as hell body shit that stinks up everything. I swear this place always smells so bad, and now it looks bad too. I hope you never get to use those condoms you bought 6 MONTHS AGO you lonely ass fucking retarded loser.
Dear, Roommate,
I hate you and your stupid, high-pitched voiced girlfriend. Both of you are fat SLOBS and you guys can go to hell. ##612;)
dearest roomate….
O and SERIOUSLY grow up and deal with bad language FUCK there i said it o how about shit damb crap any of them would be appreciated.
Please for the Love stop leaving your crap all over our room I wouldnt mind so much if it stayed on your side of the room but honestly STAY AWAY FROM MY DESK!!! Also please keep the heat below 75 even that is a bit rediculous but seriosly 80+ is too much chika!!!! On top of that if your going to use my chair to climb up into your bed please concider that I need to sit in it so it would be greeat if you would think about me and put it back
Yours truly a roomate that cant stand you
Dear Bitch,
Oh how I can not stand you. You are a manipulative mother fucker. No wonder your parents are ashamed of you and do not bother to contact you. I do not even see how you managed to get a boyfriend..oh wait, he was desperate. You act as if you are this amazing wonder woman, but you can not even get off the couch to do the laundry or dishes. You sit around all day watching youtube or some dumb ass cartoon show. You bitch and moan you do not have money, but this is because your too lazy to get a job. I think its funny how you prance around acting like your the most intelligent person ever, yet you can not pass an Anatomy test you knew about weeks in advance because you say you were not ready for it. You claim that you study for 5 hours. I have seen you, you study ONCE before each test and doing it while being drunk. As soon as someone tells you “No” or tells you it can not be how you want it, you throw a major bitch fit and storm out of the room. Your too damn lazy to walk the extra 3 feet to the recycle bin so instead you throw EVERYTHING in the trash. You stole from one of friends and were caught trying to lie about it even though proof was against you. And through it all your boyfriend still thinks your a Goddess even though you bitch at him and blame him for everything that goes wrong. Someday you lazy sick fuck you will see the error of your ways while your digging out of trash cans for food.
Dear Roomates: Tyler, Erik, & Danny
You guys are so inmature. Learn to take some criticism for once, you don’t need to be a cry baby about it. I love how sports are your lives, you talk so highly about your physical abilities. However, when I excel better and kicked your ass in all the sports I’ve done with you guys, you stopped talking to me. Haha, I’m the most humble person ever, you guys are just jealous of my natural abilities and size and strength. I can see right through you guys. I realize you are going out of your way to make me feel alienated and not included. Well that is fine if you want to be a douche bag when I’ve done nothing to deserve it. You guys are the ones that look like the pricks and morons, not me. I will never stoop to your level and give you the satisfaction that you want. I am a smarter person than that to fall for your head games. I will continue to live and lead my normal life by ignoring and pretending you are not there. God have mercy on your guys’ souls, you can not get any lower than Erik, Tyler, & Danny.
Sincerely,
A pissed off SCSU college roomate of these guys’
Dude you’re an asshole. Why don’t you just say something to us instead of crawling to the internet to bitch about it?
Dear bitch
Your boyfriend is not really allowed to live here, so could you guys at least give me change to sleep and not talk as loudly as you possibly can till 3am every night, do you have to also keep your television on till 2am-3m? Do you guys really just have to start cooking at 1am every night? On top of all this do you just have to bring guests here at 2am every weekend? I know your boyfriend doesn’t have a job or go to school so he can stay up all night but don’t you go to school? This is a student dorm and you are supposedly a student… even if you don’t need to sleep 99% of people on this planet do and I’m living here too.
You act like you own this place and everyone needs to follow your rules, You leave every frigging light on even though we are (at least I’m, you parents seem to hand you some money…) broken uni students and not every light needs to be open 24/7 especially when you’re not home…
I have caught you talking bullshit about me to your boyfriend (really guys, really, you don’t have better topics to talk about than me when you get to be together??) even though you are the one breaking dorm rules… you are such a know-it-all, you act like you’ve got the ultimate authority to rule this apartment and when I first met you I really though you are super nice but damn, in reality you are a bitch.
I’m sleepwalking my days because of you, I’m sicken tired, my body aches because of the slack of sleep. I’ve tried earplugs but can’t fall asleep with them, and they don’t actually numb out of your voices…you’re so loud.
I work 2 jobs just so I don’t have to be home with my roommate. We wer friends before we decided to move hours away to live together in an apartment for college. Everything was fine for the first day, after that all he’ll broke loose. I hate him. He never does anything but sit around and play video games on MY tv. Almost everything in the apartment is mine, but he treats all of his stuff like shit, so he uses mine. I HATE THAT!!! I’ve told him 1000 times to stop, but he won’t! He never picks up after himself, he lives in filth. He would let the dishes pile up for 6 years if it was up 2 him. He doesn’t have. Job so he’s home all day not doing shit! He never even takes the fucking dog outside, or gives it water. I’ve told him 1000 times to do something, anything at All, but he won’t. On top of that, he’s the most depressing, shut-in, sarcastic, smart ass piece of shit ever born.
Dear roommate, I never could understand why people would hate their roommate so much until I met you. First of all your a fucking loser, your on your high horse thinking your so superior to everyone when you have no right. Your ugly, and frankly not that intelligent either, and this is compounded by the fact that your so lame and no one likes you because of it and you can’t see it. Oh also get a job, you think your so much better than everyone when your parents are your personal piggy bank.
Thanks for never buying any groceries, I really love that I can’t eat the food I want because I know you’ll help yourself to it. Oh and thanks for turning the heat up when you can’t pay for any oil. I guess you do pay the rent… or rather your parents do you loser.
Oh and thanks for coming out of the closet to me and telling me your in love with me when we were drunk, after all you do to piss me off constantly now I have to worry about you trying some gay shit on me when I’m asleep. Now I understand why you’re so obsessed with me and copy everything I do.
Lastly the most annoying thing about you, stop copying me. I’m sorry I’m so cool and everyone likes me (im being dead honest too) but you can’t copy my beliefs and my personality and try to act like their your own, you look like a fool and we see right through it. YOU ARE NOT my best friend either, despite what you think, I hang out with you only because I can’t avoid you. I DO NOT want you to know where I’m going all the time or who im going out with, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Also it’s SUPER creepy now that I know you have the hots for me, btw… eww
Can’t wait until the lease is up and I can get the hell away from you (only 3 more months) then you’ll know how I really feel… for now though, I can laugh to myself knowing that you don’t have a clue! haha
Dear roommate,
Quite simply put, I hate you. I hate everything about you. I can’t believe I had actually ever liked you, even for the short duration that I did, but that was before I realized how possessive and psychotic you are. I hate it when you behave like a bloody bitch when I go out with a friend. I can spend my time with whoever I want to, you don’t own me. You do not need to know where I am or what I am doing or who I am with every minute of the day. You are not my mother. Actually, even my mother doesn’t call me every day, let alone every hour.
I hate inviting you out now, because of the way you behave when you come out with a friend and me and later admit (without an ounce of regret) that you wanted to ruin my evening because I had preferred spending my time with her rather than with you.
I hate that you think I should share your beliefs about people. Just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean I mustn’t talk to him/her either. Also when you like someone, it doesn’t mean I can’t talk to the guy. In fact, you need not obsess over every girl he talks to, and if you must, please do NOT annoy me with all the details.
Just because I have a crush on someone doesn’t mean I want to talk about him 24/7. It also doesn’t mean you get to tease me every single time he talks to me. I don’t want to talk about boys with you. Period. You get psychotic when we do.
Also, don’t flop down on my bed whenever you feel like it. And respect my space. When I say I don’t like being touched, it is NOT an invitation to hug! Keep your bloody hands to yourself! If me being uncomfortable is what you are aiming at, well, you are not as much of a friend as you think you are. I mean you did admit that you did it only because I didn’t like it.
Your overreactions to everything are maddening. I mean, the time when I had shifted my poor hard disk away, because you had your fat arm on it, you stopped talking to me for 2 whole days! Best two days of my life, but honestly, beyond irrational. And later when you did start talking to me, you said you forgive me. For what, exactly? I didn’t do anything wrong!
Stop bloody talking! I can’t bear listening to you yap about everything on earth. You need not force your views down my throat. Keep quiet for two minutes so I can hear myself think. Your incessant narcissistic whining makes me want to rip my hair out. I put my headphones in to discourage you from talking too much. Get the hint! It does not mean you can moan about how I am always sitting with my headphones in my ears. It’s pathetic how stupid you can be. A chimp would’ve understood by now. How can you just go on and on about yourself the way you do? How do you not realize that half the things you say are complete rubbish? How could you talk about your professors the way you do?
And your attempts to become popular are not fooling anyone. When you want to be with the ‘it group’ at social events, it’s pretty clear you want to be seen with them. And later when you gossip about the same people, talking about how they are all ‘wannabes’ (Personally, I hate that word), well, it makes me wonder what you think you are.
And when you get all sentimental about leaving college and each other, and expect me to cry too, well, that’s the worst. I don’t like you and I sure as hell am not going to get all weepy over leaving you. I’m ruddy happy about that!
I also don’t understand your need for constant attention. I have seen you get upset when the focus is not on you or your monumental problems. And I also don’t like it when you interrupt me when I am talking to someone. It’s very rude. I don’t feel the need to address your problems all the time, because guess what, I have a life too. I have problems of my own. They may not be as tragic as the fact that you just lost your eraser, I mean why, oh WHY do all the bad things happen to you, and only you? The whole world is against you, isn’t it? But they are my problems just the same, and have you ever caught me trying to bore you with them?
And no, just because our college life ends in 4 months doesn’t mean, we should sleep in the same bed. That is just plain weird. And also, it is not an excuse to try and make me attend every dinner and party that comes this way.
And the fact that I am kind enough to let you use my laptop for internet at night while I sleep, because you are having computer troubles, doesn’t entitle you to go through my browser history. Yes, I know about that, you are not the cleverest when it comes to computers. Or anything else for that matter.
I HATE you. Hate is, in fact, not a strong enough word. I loathe you. I despise you, detest you, can’t bear you. Thank god there’s only 3 months of college left. You are one thing I definitely won’t miss about this place.
Hate,
Your pissed off roommate
Dear my idiot roommate,
First off, you aren’t black, so stop acting like you are. You are from Springfield, MA. You have no idea what a ghetto is you fucking clown. Also, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE BITCH THAT GRADUATED LAST SEMESTER. I know you hated her and she hated you but if you really hated her you wouldn’t bring her up every other day. Another thing is, stop sleeping all day and staying up all night and complaining about insomnia. Stop going to be at 7pm, waking up at 12 or whatever then playing Star Wars all night. That’s another thing, you are addicted to Star Wars. That’s all you do when you aren’t sleeping is playing Star Wars. Every single moment of the day. Unlike you I have to go to bed at a normal time because I have class in the morning, and so do you, but I want to get a good nights sleep so I don’t fucking sleep all day like you.
You also barely study but somehow manage to pass your classes. Quit cramming before an exam all night before because you are too addicted to Star Wars to study during the day. Also, when I wear my headphones it’s because I don’t want to fucking hear you! STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME WHEN I AM TRYING TO DO MY WORK. UNLIKE YOU I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING LUXURY OF PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES 24/7. Another thing is stop randomly talking in Polish randomly. Nobody else can speak it so why do you? Do you constantly need to show off that you can speak another language? Nobody cares, it’s annoying.
Lastly, you aren’t hot shit like you think you are. You aren’t a pimp or a ladies man or whatever. Stop changing your personality for every person you meet to try and impress them, it just makes you laughed at behind your back. You are a fucking shut in that nobody wants to hang out with anymore because you get pissed off when you aren’t in front of your fucking computer playing that stupid game. People aren’t busting your balls to make you feel bad, they want you to hang out and stop being antisocial because guess what, they used to like chilling but you get so fucking angry everytime they call you out. I am glad I am moving out tomorrow, because everyday my patience wears thinner and thinner with you. I only keep my cool with you because frankly I don’t need any more stress. I used to ignore all your little peeves, because I liked you. But you have changed to a miserable hermit who is unpleasant to be around.
You used to be cool, but you changed, your life revolves around that fucking computer game and you refuse to acknowledge any of it. Get some fucking help.
Dear roommates,
Thank you for being dirty ass lazy bitches that can’t take out the trash, can’t sweep the damn common room, which takes like 10 minutes and i only request you gals do it twice a month. Thanks for bringing in a dog that pisses and poops all over the place. For leaving a mess all over the kitchen, for never doing your dishes which are all practically mine. For leaving your food to rot in the fridge. for acting all smug and shit cuz you think your are a “responsible” dog owner. For listening to tv at the loudest volume possible. for blasting music all the fucking time!!! For being so loud in the mornings and having to turn on all the available lights in the morning to the point that i have to go to sleep with earplugs and an eye mask. For never cleaning your damn side of the room which scares everyone that comes by. Thank you so much bitches for making me hate everyday that i live with you.
Dear Roommate,
Where the fuck do I even begin?
Please don’t slam the fucking doors, especially the back one. They will close if you use them gently, I promise. Speaking of doors, fucking LOCK them when you leave and when you come back inside. And maybe use the security system we have, too. It’s there for a reason, you know.
For the love of all that is holy, FUCKING CLEAN THE KITCHEN! Stop cooking shit and then leaving the mess for hours. It’s disgusting and it drives me batshit insane. I have pictures as proof, even though you tell me you “don’t normally live like this.” Please, bitch, shut your whore mouth.
Speaking of whores, your boyfriend DOES NOT LIVE HERE. My god, I am so sick of seeing his tweaker ass every damn day, especially in the mornings when I’m in my PJ’s making coffee and he fucking comes out of nowhere because I didn’t know he stayed over last night. I guess I should start expecting him to be over every fucking night, now?
SMOKE ON THE GODDAMN PORCH. I do not give a flying fuck how inclement the weather is. You choose to smoke, and I don’t want that nasty shit in the house. I’m not a dumbass — I can tell when you’ve been smoking inside. My olfactories work fine because I’m not a smoker, whereas you don’t think I can smell it. I CAN.
Teach your stupid cat some manners. It’s constantly harassing mine. I’m going to get a fucking spray bottle of water and soak that bitch of a cat next time I see it happen.
Turn the fucking music down! Seriously, this is not a dance party.
Quit stealing my food. Do the dishes once in awhile instead of letting them pile in the sink for days on end. We have a dishwasher for a reason. Also, don’t yell at me when I do decide to use the dishwasher. If you don’t like it, do the fucking dishes yourself.
If you use something of mine, PUT IT BACK IN ITS PROPER PLACE. If you don’t know where it goes, ask me. I may hate your fucking guts, but I’ll gladly show you where things go. On that note, don’t leave random shit of yours lying in the stupidest spots — my car, for instance, is not a cupboard.
I can’t fucking wait to get out of here next month. I really don’t give a shit if you can’t make your mortgage payment without a roommate.
Dear roommate,
Thank you for going behind my back and dry-humping the guy I was dating and that you KNEW I still had feelings for.
Also, you are not attractive. At all. You desperate, backstabbing hoe.
Hey bitch,
Funny story, I don’t like your boyfriend as much as you do. Seriously. So when he’s in our room twenty-fucking-four/seven, it actually makes me want to kill him. And you. He lives down the hall IN A SINGLE ROOM! Please, take the initiative to walk down the hall. And stop your stupid fights and whisper conversations. And the CONSTANT PDA! I feel like a constant third wheel in my own room. And I have a shit ton of homework, so I have to be there on weekdays. Sorry all your classes are “easy” (yeah right, I know you failed math), but stop hanging out with him and get a life!!! You seriously have no other friends. Which sucks, because you’re actually really nice. However, when he sleeps in our room, I can fucking hear you two doing whatever you’re doing. It’s really hard to sleep with all that crap going on. If you can’t walk down to his room, at least have the decency to wait until I’m asleep.
That’s all, bitch,
Your pissed off roomate
Dear Mistake of a Roommate,
I hated you for 3 years before you moved in with me, you were such a fucking whore in highschool and fucked my boyfriend who you said you felt bad for me for ever dating. I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt after a lot of bad shit happened to you and you swore you wanted to better yourself. I also figured hey, you’ve already screwed me over in every way possible so what could I possibly expect out of you after having two shitty previous roommates at least I know you can clean things.
STUPID ME. What was I thinking. I can’t believe I was that desperate for a roommate. Yes, it was great at first, nice to have you back in my life. Then you persistently remind me how annoying you are while you talk to yourself constantly and never leave the house. You talk to yourself even while you study. You talk to me while your taking a shit. You never shut the fuck up. You randomly decide to feel bad for a dog at your mom’s that you haven’t kept in 3 years and decide to bring it here because I have 3 dogs. Wow, that’s a lot of fucking animals especially when yours drags the damn trash out everyday. You never load the dishwasher correctly despite the many times I’ve shown you the proper way and then proceed to get pissed off when the dishes aren’t clean. You leave your laundry wet in the washer til it stinks the house up before you remember it, you never clean the fucking cat box because your too busy getting stoned 24 hours a day so that adds to the smell. You never wipe your food and continuously spilled cheese off the counters nor do you vacuum any more than the middle of the floor. Why even waste your fucking time? You never clean the bathroom and when you do, you barely scrub the inside of the toilet bowl then nothing else. Wow.
You get pissed off because people call you ‘girl’, yet you just bought a purple canopy with plastic beads all over to hang on your ‘princess’ bed as you call it, then get mad when people don’t take you seriously. You sound like your dying when you have sex, seriously, shut the fuck up. I get so sick of waking up at 2 am because your moaning horrendously at the top of your lungs. If you at least didn’t sound like a banshee dying then it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s a turn off really. Did I mention shut the fuck up about how you think your so smart? Obviously your smart, you’ve gotten pregnant twice having one abortion and waiting too long to abort the second so you had to have the damn thing and then give it away. You’ve dropped out of a university and went to two community colleges where you just keep taking the same classes. Damn was I fucking stupid for letting you move in with me. Now I can’t stand to look at you. I even like the boyfriend you have now, but fucking hate you. Your a selfish inconsiderate napoleon complex DUMB bitch, literally you never shut up with your negative fucking attitude. I keep trying to get over it and be nice, but then you text me every few days telling me your borrowing something or using up some of my food or some stupid shit every time I’m gone. Your mean to my dog yet let your boyfriends dog stay here and talk to sweetly to her even though she’s annoying. My boyfriend never stays here out of respect, and yours has been here for the past 3 nights in a row. FUCK OFF, MOVE THE FUCK OUT, AND LET ME BE BY MYSELF. You never turn the fucking tv off in the living room and turn it on and loud when you come in and i’m already listening to music. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN FUCKING ROOM. Ugh. There is literally nothing I like about your personality. Consumerism and petty shit consume YOU. Please put your dishes in the dishwasher and go die somewhere. Your still the same petty whore you were 4 years ago. I’m stupid for letting this happen.
Sincerely,
Someone who literally doesn’t like anything about you.
Dear roommate.
You annoy and disgust me to the point where I wish punching you wouldn’t get me in trouble.
You complain you have no room in the fridge to put your own groceries so you fix the problem by eating MY food. Yet I am the one looking around for space in there since YOU do not throw out your EXPIRED food.
You think you are “hawt stuff” when in reality the guys that ARE attracted to you, are all old nerdy losers who have never spoken to a girl before. ALSO one of them looks like frankenstein. I could care less about your self esteem problems, but don’t come up to me and my friends boasting and lying to us saying you look amazing, when sweetie, we gag when we look at you. ALSO PLEASE STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT YOUR “CUTE” UNDERWEAR, IVE SEEN THE SKID MARKS, STOP SHOWING IT OFF LIKE ITS CUTE.
I have never heard of someone speak so much about themselves other than you. You demand so much out of people for your “sake”
You never clean, yet you complain that its always dirty. Well have you ever heard of picking up after yourself???
I have so much more to say but i already feel somewhat better, ill probably come back when you do more stupid shit. which will probably happen.
Dear roomate,
I ALWAYS take out the trash AND keep my side of the room clean. YOU on the other hand refuse to put your sandwhichs in the fridge making them go bad, refuse to take out the trash, refuse to clean, and complain to your mother about me when you think I can’t hear. I don’t even care anymore. Because you are in a abusive relationship with a guy who is ugly. You accept the love you deserve.
Sincerly,
I wish I would’ve gotten a single.
You are the worst roomate I have ever had you fat ass cow. You make our tiny dorm intolerable! You never pay for cable and you wake me up every weekend when you get on my computer to use my printer! You used up all of my ink and its fucking expensive. You made up all this shit to the R.A to make me look bad. You are honestly a terrible roomate and I hate you. You are inconsiderate, rude, and petty. You leave your clothes all over the floor and let food rot on your desk. You use my stuff and you make our room into a dark cave because you wont let me open the window or turn on any lights. You move my furniture around and dont brush your teeth. I hope your boyfriend dumps you and all your hair falls out. Good luck finding a roomate to tolerate you stupid bitch!
Dear Housemate,
I understand that we’re both broke college students. I understand that I’m technically sub-letting this place from you, and so you get to make up the rules. I understand that you have to pay for utilities. I understand that my portion of the rent covers utilities. I understand that I am the ONLY person you managed to find to sublet this house to over the break and I (now) understand that you jacked the price on me.
SO STOP GETTING ANNOYED THAT I USE TWO LIGHTS IN THE KITCHEN AS OPPOSED TO ONE. IT’S A DARK KITCHEN. IT’S FREAKING MINNESOTA. IT GETS DARK EARLY. I CAN’T SEE WHAT THE F— I’M CUTTING.
Especially since it’s 27 degrees outside and the thermostat is set to 50. I think we’re saving more than enough on heating to justify one kitchen light.
Sincerely,
M
P.S. I’m giving up. I’m turning up the heat as soon as you go back to your room to play more video games.
Hi Roommate,
I hate you.I cared u alot even though u didnot cook food or dont take care abt room and keeping room as mess i made it myself with out asking you anytime.You have time for makeup … you have time for romancing with that old bastard and u dont have time to keep the room clean..then y did u joined to me as roommate go and live vth him… when ever i am in home u will say go for GYM or go out … to stay vth him privately…. is this your parents taught you….. i lost my patience……
Dear morons,
You first roommate number 1:
It really is quite the treat when you decide to come in the room at 2am while roommate number 2 and I are sleeping. It wouldn’t be bad if you didn’t turn the lights on as soon as you came in, or slam the door as loud as humanly possible. Then while the lights are on, you feel that it’s okay to make a phone call, or skype your friends and not even have the courtesy of whispering! You talk to them like they’re deaf! You don’t have to yell for them to hear you, and you don’t have to be in the room to use your phone and computer. And when you don’t have anyone to call, and yet you still feel like talking to somebody, you have no problem waking either roommate number 2 or me up to have a chat (and when I don’t wake up the first seven times you call my name, it means I’m ignoring you). Also, when you finally do turn the lights off, and I finally get back to sleep, a few hours later you turn them on again to workout at 5:30. Not everyone wants to be on the same sleep cycle as you. Is it really not completely obvious that when people are sleeping you don’t turn the lights on? And then in the morning when you turn the lights on you decide that it’s a good time to make your pre-workout protein drink, and you waste no time shaking the daylights out of that stupid bottle with the metal ball in it (which by the way is not quiet). And please try to expand your vocabulary to something further that “yeah… dude”. I’m big into lifting weights too, and having you demonstrate the stereotypical weight lifter is insulting.
Also, you’re a pig. The only messy areas in the room are the places where your junk is. Take out your old milk cartons BEFORE they mold. And speaking of milk, when I told you you could use my refridgerator, which is a mini one, I was talking about water bottles and other small things, not a gallon of milk that leaves no room for anything else in it. And my cokes that are in the fridge are available to you if you want one, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t take six in two days, and then never offer to replace them. That’s called being cheap. And when they are out don’t ask me when I’m going to get more, because I’m not anymore.
Roommate number 2:
Quit complaining to me about roommate number 1. Obviously I already think he’s annoying, so just save it. And do you remember when you ordered pizza two weeks ago and set the box on the ground? Because I do, and if you don’t I can still show you the box. Do you ever plan on throwing it out? Your mommy isn’t here to pick up after you anymore, it’s time to be a big boy and clean up after yourself. Also, when I have headphones in it’s okay to ask me a question if it’s absolutley necessary, but talking to me constantly while I’m listening to music or doing homework is not cool.
Speaking of headphones, you have some, so you should use them! When I’m doing homework I don’t want to hear every “fail” video you watch, and then hear you cackle about it because you think it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen.
Much to your surprise I don’t enjoy watching youtube videos that you find when I’m trying to do homework, so don’t come over to me with your laptop and say “duuuuude, you have to see this.” No I don’t. I have to finish an essay. Leave me alone.
I’m majoring in political science, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear your opinion on the GOP candidates every freakin day. Also, I don’t want to watch the debate with you and eat popcorn. That’s gay. And it’s my popcorn, go buy your own.
Also, because I am taking harder classes than you, I will be up later doing homework, which, believe it or not, will make me more tired during the day. So, if I want to take an hour nap, I’d enjoy not having to talk to you. Just because I move doesn’t mean I’m awake and open for conversation. You remind me of a cat I used to have that would meow everytime I moved because she wanted me to get up and feed her. The difference between you and the cat is that I liked the cat.
Also, I am the only one in the room with a trash can, and it’s not very big, so it fills up quick with three people using it. When I take out the trash, I don’t replace the bag immediatley after every single time, this doesn’t mean that we are now not using plastic bags and you can just throw your nasty snot rags in the open bin. That’s disgusting, and makes me want you dead.
Also, believe it or not, there are more than six songs in the world. Maybe you should expand your music library because the few songs that you do play I onced liked, but are now officially my least favorite songs.
I think I could go on longer, but those are my top grievences toward my two retarded roommates.
-Sincerely, roommate number 3.
P.S. It is possible for someone other than myself to take out the trash. FYI.
Dear roomies,
Thank you for smoking and drinking almost every night when you know i have college in the morning you disrespectful dicks. Thank you for leaving the living room door open to hear your annoying laughs. Thank you for the dirty dishes left for me to smell and for using MY DISH as an ashtray. Thank you for farting and burping while i’m in the room, you pigs. Thank you for borrowing my stuff without askin and then never bringin them back. And most importantly thank you for never listenin to what I have to say about this!!!
Please fuck off soon
Your roomie
Dear douchebags,
Thank you for breaking my furniture just enough so you cant sit in them but not enough that i can accurately cast blame and ask for money/replacements. Thanks for having your fucking loud idiot friends over to drink and stink the house up. This is my house too you fucking brojerkoffs. it was (at one point) a nice apartment. now, it is a total shithole. I work. I am not a trust-fund kid like you idiots. I need to sleep and get up in the morning. stop using my coffee cup to play beerpong you hooting fucking monkeys.
Dear Roommate,
I am officially convinced that you are a close relative of Satan. Perhaps you are part vampire even, since you not only neglect the act of sleeping, you also seem to see it apropriate to suck the life out of me. If you havn’t noticed your crazy ass is the only one in the apartment waking up at 2:00am to get the day started. Most people do not appreciate ALL of the lights in the room glaring into their face FIVE hours before they have successfully completed a full night’s sleep. In case you forgot, in the heat of your psychosis, I am one of those people! Take your crazy annorexic ass out into the common and do your ocd studying out there. It’s not like you need witnesses to prove you completed 82 hours of studying before the rest of the city has even woken up.
Also, your voice is like nails on a chalk board. You think you sound charming but you really just sound like a fake ass bitch, two seconds away from drawing and quartering everyone in a ten mile radius. You’re not cute, you’re not sweet, and you’re not fooling anyone. I hear the way you talk to your mom, who, by the way, is the only person you ever socialize with. You sound like a striaght up man and all you do is complain about your life and how everyone you know sucks, yet you have the gall to turn around and tirelessly try to convince anyone who will listen how sweet and beautiful you are compared to everyone else. I remember once you even told me that you should be exempt from mistreatment because you are ‘the nicest person alive’. Yet you are habitually condescending, judgemental, and vindictive toward me at every turn.
Oh, also, you should stop telling what and when to eat. Last i checked i already have a mother. Also, i go to bed whenever the hell i want, and because you’re so intent on disturbing my sleep i will repay you for the favor tenfold. If you have an issue, there is a beautiful bay window fully capeable of acting as a jumping platform…i’d jump pit of it myself but i think the world would be a better place if you took the liberty instead.
Oh, and yes, i will be in the apartment all break, don’t fucking question why i’m here. You don’t own this place, the room we share is not yours alone. If you hate human beings so much do us all a favor and live in a cave high in the mountains where the air is very, very thin. Maybe then you won’t have the oxygen to perpetually say stupid shit.
One last thing, sitting bolt right in your bed and laughing maniacally into the darkness at midnight every night further convinces me that you are both immortal and evil and should probably consider going back to hell so that i can get some fucking sleep.
Sincerely hating you until we part for good,
Your roommate
I absolutely love this post! Especially the telling you what and when to eat and laughing like a demon parts. My roommate likes to give me nutrition advice based on bullshit ancient Chinese wisdom and her laugh sounds like a morbidly obese man gasping for air.
FUCK YOU! Stop being such a stupid bitch! Stop using the things that I pay for! I don’t give a fuck if you smoke but spray some perfume or febreeze because your nasty white trash ass stinks up our whole house! How about you try cleaning every once in a while…I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID OR MOM! Stop bringing your bushy-browed fuck face illiterate boyfriend over! Seriously I think he fucking lives here too he needs a fucking life! Stop bitching about him everytime you talk to me saying he doesn’t give you space then turn around and have him sleep here 5-6 times out of the week and then lie to my fucking face and say he only sleeps here 3 nights a week-I’m not a dumb ass I hear you guys talking and having sex and then showering to wash the fucking jiz off plus I see his ugly ass shoes right by the door every god damn night-o and thanks for hiding his ugly shoes when I finally confront you and say he’s been sleeping here a lot-fuck you I’m not an idiot! His stupid piece of shit car is outside and I always hear it cuz its so fucking ricey that it sounds like someone ripping ass everytime he drives away! I asked you before we moved into our new place if he was planning on moving in too…we should have just put his name on the lease too so his nasty ass would be obligated to pay some fucking rent! I’m sick of paying for him to fucking freeload. He needs to pay some utilities because he always showers here o and ps thanks a lot for always using up all the hot water you cunts I’m glad I paid for you to have a warm shower you mother fuckers! I hate that I’m living with your fucking boyfriend before I’m living with my own! We hate you guys! Stop being such a lazy ass and say you’re going to take out our trash but then never do it and then put your nasty cigarette butts in it instead to stink everything up! Take out the fucking recycling every once in a while because I’m sick of looking at all your fucking beer bottles on our fucking porch-I’m sure that makes us look real classy! Stop saying you’ll do something and then going back on it! Stop bitching that you’re fat then drink a bottle of wine every night and then eat fast food and pastries! Maybe people would stop mistaking you for being pregnant if you would only stop eating shit and drinking alcohol all the time! I’m so sick of feeling like your fucking mom! I hate to think how your house would look if you had your own place and I wasn’t there to clean up your shit or deal with the fucking bills-o ps please pay me on time-they are the same time every month I shouldn’t have to hold your hand and remind you and have you bitch at me saying you don’t have money when I ask you for it! Fuck you and grow up!
Dear Roommate,
Stop eating all of my fucking food. Stop leaving ur clothes all over the damn apartment and stop leaving moldy dishes in the kitchen for me to smell. Oh and I am a 93 lb girl, you are a guy the right thing to do is you to take out the trash thank you for forcing me to do so because we get three bags in the house to stink it up. Stop referring to OUR apartment as only YOUR apartment. Stop getting more and more channels on our cable with extra charges without telling me. I do NOT wanna see you walk out of the bathroom in just a towel it makes me want to vomit. And the pictures you constantly post on Facebook that you think are insightful, they arent! They looked retarded like you. I loathe you.
Dear Roommate,
You are fat, lazy, dramatic, annoying and incompetent. You never clean up after yourself and I am always sticks cleaning everything. You are always late on your part of the bills. You eat my foot and use my shampoo, face wash etc. You wear my clothes when you’re clearly not my size 5! You sleep in my bed when I’m not home. You complain constantly about your life and how ‘depressed’ you are all the time. You are never positive about anything. You always complain about your job but yet make no efforts to reconcile with your co workers or fix anything. I’m pretty sure that you’re a lesbian, you have pictures of random women on our fridge WTF?!?! You always leave your laundry in the washer or dryer and other tenants complain about it. You spill your cakey makeup on our white carpet and make no efforts to clean it up. You hoard dishes and food (my food) in your room!!! Again WTF?!?! You rarely shower and your room smells like stale ass- yes I can smell your nasty ass room as soon as I open the door to our apartment! I can’t stand living with you and your constant ‘anxiety attacks’. You go to the ER for them and take away care and take up space from people who actually NEED care! On top of it, you work in the ER and I can’t even imagine what your co workers say about you behind your back as often as you go there- maybe that’s why you are having so many problems at work!!! If you werent on the lease I would kick you lazy fat ass out in an instant! But until then, I’ll rant on here! Until then Eff off!
Your roommate
I HATE MY ROOMMATE, she is such a bitch, stupid fucking whore.
bitches at my other roommate about me, hell. she has nothing to bitch about, she is fucking dirty – leaving HAIR EVERYWHERE and dirty fucking shit. and LOUD as in in a high fucking pitched voice.
I CANNOT WAIT TO NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.
sincerely,
someone who fucking despises you.
Dear fuck-tard,
I FUCKIN HATE U!! Your a selfish, fake, drug addicted, insane, pussy! Everytime you talk I wanna shoot you or myself. I’ve put up with your shit for too long now. Turn off the goddamn tv when you leave your room. Your fuckin 62′ plasma in your 10×11 room is racking r power u fuck! O ya, and that tv never gets used because you would rather sit on my couch and watch my tv in the family room! Thats fuckin fine if you didnt live on it. 12 hrs of TV a day in college is fuckin absurd. You want to go to pharm school yet your gonna graduate in……NEVER! You drop everysingle hard class and take fuckin ice skating, and then have the nerve to brag about your grades to people. STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT URSELF…nobody cares. We all laugh in your face and blatanly ignore you. We have tried asking and talking to you. FUCK U! You ask me why I dont like you and I tell you. You dont fuckin change. You know we all hate you and will never talk to once we leave school. Your supposed to be my “brother”, fuck that. I can honestly say I will have no problem not seeing/hearing from you ever again the day I graduate. O ya, and treat your parents with some fuckin respect. They pay for everything of yours. You don’t do shit for money and scream at them. I have never seen a more childish site. Your 22 years old, grow the fuck up. I would say stop going home every weekend, if we didnt love the feeling of you not here. I hate you and fuck u.
-THE CASTLE
Dear roommate,
I just wanted to say that it has been hell living with you for this first semester. I know that I have not been the best roommate in the world, but I certainly have not been a bad one, and I definitely have not been as bad as you. Please read this whole letter, as it will point out your incessant flaws, and hopefully will allow you to adjust your life to change them so people may actually like you.
1. Drama
You are the biggest drama-queen I have ever met. You remind me of a little girl because of it, always making the smallest and irrelevant situation appear worse than it actually is. You talk shit about your close friends, including me, and then act like best friends the next time you see them. You call people out for being fake, yet you are the fakest mother fucker I have ever met.
2. Complaining
You always complain about how your life sucks and how school is so hard and how you work so hard and are so tired all the time because of it. Bullshit. Whenever you are “working” or “studying”, all you do is complain about the work you have to do to me, get on facebook and complain about it on their, and then eventually get someone to do the work for you. Also stop complaining about how your life sucks, there are billions of people who are worse off than you, and we all have our own problems. Get over yourself. And don’t complain about how your bad grades and problems stem from you being black. The race card is bullshit in most situations now a days, and you have just an equal chance as I do to become successful, all it takes is motivation and hard work.
3. Your Ego
Stop talking about your sex life. No one cares if you “fucked the preachers daughter”. She is a wrecked-face ho. Also I, and a lot of your other “friends” don’t even believe you actually had sex, because usually when someone has to tell every single person they meet that they had sex, the first time you meet them, it usually raises suspicion that you are lying. Plus, I think that your actually homo. Stop acting like your hot shit. You are fat, average height, and not very good looking. If I were a girl, I could not begin to think of dating you because, not of your physical appearance, but because of your personality. If I were a girl I might be able to get over your lack of physical attractiveness, but because of your insensitive and dramatic and complaining personality, I would consider suicide before dating you. Also stop saying your not fat. I know I’m not a GQ model, and I have accepted that. But I sure as hell don’t weigh 240 lbs and look at myself and say I’m thin. Deal with it, you’re a fat shit. Start exercising and eating right.
4. Mean
You are probably one of the meanest persons that I have ever met. Your style of being rude is so much different than the typical verbal exchange. I would rather deal with the problem, and get it out of our system. But no, you have to take the passive-aggressive approach and dwell and hold a grudge about whatever is bothering you. Be a man and say it to my fucking face. Don’t cuss me out and then say immediately after “oh, you know I’m only joking!”. Bullshit, I know you are serious.
5. Cleanliness
I didn’t actually think this would be a problem with you, as you appeared to have decent hygiene. And in reality, if your side is dirty that’s your problem, it doesn’t bother me. However, when your shit comes on my side there is a problem. I keep my side orderly, all it takes is five minutes a day, keep it clean and it will never get dirty. And stop complaining about the mess and then doing nothing about it. If you hate the mess, clean it up, its your shit!
6. Money
You owe me money. Yes, I know you paid for the TV and other commodities, but my family and I paid for stuff as well. We have bought multiple grocery items and yet, you still haven’t suggested you will pay us back any time soon. I know we are supposed to share, and I am fine with that. But at least share something with me to make it even.
7. Having Fun
Don’t sit there and judge me for having fun in college. I’m not some drug addict who is going out and shooting up heroin or anything. Yes, I smoke weed and I drink. I do it once a week at most! It wouldn’t kill you to just come out with us once, even if you don’t drink. And I can respect if you don’t want to drink or smoke, that’s fine. Just don’t judge me on the health risk when you are one 3 different prescriptions and are out of shape and eat horribly. Also don’t make up lies to not go out, just say “I don’t want to go out”. Don’t lie and say you are too sick to go out and then have me come back to find two girls chilling with you in our room.
8. Treatment of your dad
Your dad works so hard to pay for your nice clothes, car, food, tuition, basically everything. Don’t tell people how you “pay the salaries of the people who work for the school and how they should respect you for it”. You don’t pay for shit. And I know I don’t either, and I am so grateful that my parents have worked hard enough to pay for my college experience. But I’m working hard in my studies, and when I have kids, I will pay for their education as well. You could at least not spend money on pointless things to try and help curb the pressure put on your dad, he has had a hard enough time paying for you and your sister to go to college and for a wife who is unable to work. Stop taking advantage of him, you don’t have the money to do so. I do, but I’m not going to do that because it is wrong.
9. Lying
This is what really takes the fucking cake. I might be able to deal with everything else, to some extent, if you didn’t pair it all with your excessive lying. Everyday, you lie. I might lie everyday, but they are probably white lies. If I lie, I’m doing it to not hurt someone. I don’t like it, but sometimes a little lie is necessary. You, on the other hand, lie just about everything. You lie to others, about your sexual experiences, your intelligence, your family life, etc. This drives me crazy because I know when you are lying to my face. But most of all, you lie to yourself. Face the truth in your life: You are unattractive, out of shape, lazy, and a bad friend and person in general.
Conclusion:
Roommate, I wish you the best in life, I truly mean that. No one should live a life like you. I can’t imagine what it must be like, to be so unhappy that you have to take it out on your roommate and the people closest to you. I will admit that I wrote this letter to help me vent, as I have let this anger build up inside me for a semester. Feel free to write me a letter as well, I know I have flaws and am open on fixing them. However, I hope this letter serves to aid you in fixing your life. You have some serious problems to deal with, and I suggest you face them and quit hiding from them.
Best of luck.
Dear Roommate,
-Please stop having sex while you think I am sleeping. Not only do I have to listen to you fuck your disgusting boyfriend at least twice a week but sometimes I mistakenly open my eyes and I have to catch a glimpse of it too. It is gross and it freaks me out.
-Please don’t bring your boyfriend back to the room every night. One he likes to burp. DISGUSTING! He snores so loud that I run around the room for 5 minutes trying to wake him up. He spends the entire day in there! Doesn’t he have his own room that he can sleep in?
-Also why do you two have to talk till 2 in the morning. I have class the next day and I know you do too.
-You also have this need to leave your food out. I do not appreciate coming into the room and smelling Chunky soup sitting on your desk from 4 hours ago. I don’t want to touch it and you should deal with it.
-Why do you have this need to use my trash bin? I know the trash room smells bad but I don’t want to take more trips there just because you can’t stand it.
-Listening to Pandora without headphones at 4 in the morning is not okay. I don’t want to listen to your crap music when I am trying to sleep.
-I don’t want to listen to you bitch about how much weight you are gaining then watch you suck down a noodle cup, eat ice cream, then go grab a box of cookies. If you don’t want to gain weight stop eating.
-Go to class! Look I need some alone time in the room and the best time to that is when you have class. But if you don’t go you hang out in the room. College isn’t about partying, it is about getting a good job.
-Do you have to slurp your food down? There are less barbaric ways to eat you know.
-Stop complaining about not having money when you go out and buy clothes every week. “Oh I don’t have money for laundry!” No you can’t borrow my mine and maybe if you stopped going out for Chinese food every night and realized that you can’t fit anymore clothes in your room you would still have over 20 bucks.
I am literally going crazy. Is it wrong of me to hope that you flunk out this semester? you never study and complain about hard tests. I need you out of my life and if you ask to be my roommate next year I will probably laugh in your face.
Dear Roommate,
Oh dear where do I begin? Okay first, I din’t move in so youre dumb ass could go to Bingo EVERY NIGHT OF THE DAMN WEEK while you DONT PAY YOUR BILLS! I will have sex when and if I feel like it. You are a 60 year old that can’t pay your bills I am a 28 year old who pays my bills takes care of my family and takes care of your lazy fat ass. How can you sit there and call anybody a low life? Stop eating all the damn food. I grocery shop for the week not just for your dinner! Wipe the toilet seat and when you shit your pants in my husbands car don’t leave shit on the seat! thinking about cleaning doesn’t get it clean. Wash youre fucking hands after you piss and take a shower every once ad a while. considering you eat us out of house and home I find it hard to believe you are on a “strict diet” If you are lactose intolerant and cant move your pegged leg fat ass in time to get to the toilet then STOP EATING MY KIDS ICE CREAM. This is especially important because the next day you enjoy calling into work because you have the shits. Bills are not optional PAY THEM when you junk your car because you don’t want to take care of it that doesn’t meant my husband has to give you his. It means you need to start learning the bus schedule. If being like my husbands ex-wife means I am tired of putting up with your shit then thank you you may actually get it. You are 60 i am 28 you are lucky i spit in your face instead of beating you into a fucking coma you fat fucking piece of ugly donkey shit. NO I WILL NOT PAY YOUR TELEVISION BILL OR YOUR ELECTRIC BILL OR YOUR WATER BILL ANYMORE I GAVE YOU 2100 IN ONE MONTH IM NOT GIVING YOU ANY MORE. Oh and for the record yes your family thinks you are gross and hates you. We have all agreed that you should be institutionalized. No go take your monthly shower and sleep in your pee stained sheets so I don’t have to smell you. The next time you get physical in an altercation with me i’ll rip the rod out of your leg and beat you with it!
Dear Roommate,
1. Just because we have to share the same room DOES NOT instantly make us best friends.
2. Just because you are an honor student, you don’t need to rub it in my face ALL THE FUCKING TIME. “Oh, you have to take physics next quarter…well since I’m an honor student I would take HONORS physics”…” Oh, you’re in JUST Rhetoric class. Well, I’m in HONORS Rhetoric class”…”I wonder how good it will look on a resume to be in the HONORS society” (all this was actually said, too). I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT YOU ARE AN HONOR STUDENT, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
3. You are not always right, stop belittling me when you are clearly wrong.
4. You don’t need to tell me your life story, I don’t care. I really don’t.
5. You also don’t need to tell me EVERYTHING you did since I saw you last. Again, I don’t give a flying fuck what you do.
6. STOP TALKING TO ME WHEN I’M CLEARLY STUDYING/READING…I mean that’s just common sense…
7. No, you cannot use my printer…STOP USING IT WHEN I’M NOT THERE BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE. Get your own damn printer…bitch.
8. Just because you are an English major, you don’t need to correct my grammar when I talk.
9. MY food DOES NOT mean OUR food…get your own.
10. Yes, I wear make-up…we can’t all be all “maverick” as you say you are. (seriously? Getting on me because I wear MAKE-UP?…still can’t get over that one…)
11. STOP masturbating when you think I’m asleep. I’m right next to you, I can hear you, and it’s disgusting…
Sincerely,
PISSED OFF.
p.s. But thank you for not coming home drunk all the time…at least we can agree on one thing…
Dear Roommate,
Kurt you little fucking cunt. How dare you eat all my food you broke ass mother fucker. HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU WERE RENTING OUT YOUR MASTER BEDROOM AND WOULDN’T BE LIVING HERE BUT INSTEAD YOU GET DRUNK AND POP PILLS AT THIS HOUSE EVERY DAMN NIGHT. FUCK YOU. You are the lowest of the low, you are the fucking scum that grows on scum. I DONT FEEL SAFE LIVING HERE BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING CREEPS YOU BRING BY. THANK GOD I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT STAYS AROUND. Once I get out of this fucking god forsaken house and get my own apartment I am going to hand you your fucking ass. STOP ASKING ME FOR FUCKING RIDES TOO. I DON’T WANT TO TAKE YOUR UGLY ASS ANYWHERE. HOW ABOUT YOU STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING DUMB FUCK AND ATTEMPT TO PUT THE PIECES OF YOUR FUCKED UP POINTLESS LIFE BACK TOGETHER. STOP GETTING DRUNK ALL THE TIME. IF YOU ARE GOING TO WASTE YOUR LIFE BEING A FUCKING WASTE OF A LIFE, WHY DON’T YOU GO JUMP OFF A MOTHER FUCKING CLIFF. AND STOP HANGING OUTSIDE OF MY ROOM AT NIGHT WITHOUT THE T.V ON. THAT SHIT IS FUCKING WEIRD!!!!!!! EVERY NIGHT I SLEEP WITH MY TAZER GUN NEXT TO ME IN FEAR YOUR GOING TO BUST OPEN MY DOOR . AND I SWEAR IF MY CUPCAKES ARE EATEN OR MY DELICIOUS LEFT OVERS ARE MISSING I_AM_GOING_TO_ FUCKING WRECK YOUR DAY. Nonetheless, I hope you grow up, but I can’t wait till I move out and screw you over. I’ll be sure to warn potential renters of the fucking creep you are too
. Have a great mother fucking day…
PS
GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING REDNECK DUMBASS IGNORANT UNEDUCATED HIDEOUS IDIOTIC WASHED OUT FUCKING PILL HEAD ALCOHOL ABUSING SUN OF A FUCKING CUNT.
<3
Sincerely,
Your lovely roomate
Wow….This dude needs to be kicked out
My dearest roomie, stop turning off the A/C, Texas is hott as shit! Stop bringing in your ugly freinds and have them get into food I bought! Stop being a lazy ass fat fucking cow and clean up after yourself bitch!!! Stop getting into my god damn water and drinks. Stop comming in at 3 in the morning and turning on all the lights! The next time you do that I WILL KICK YOU IN YOUR DOME!!!! Would it kill you once to clean up ur nasty ass laundry or put it in you god damn closest, you have to be the most nasty bitch I have ever met. Stop telling me your problems. what?? do I look like some one who cares???!!! Stop having your loser friends spend the night because the dorms have barley enough room for two!!!! Stop saying “I’m like seriously” after. everything you say! Because I’m like stfu. With much hate, your roomate who only has like 6 weeks with your stupied ass!!! I hope you get a roommate who is just like your lazy ass!! Karmas a bitch, bitch!
Dear roomate:
Would you mind to not turn on the lights while I’m sleeping?? It would be nice to not see you walking trough the room all naked or listening to your belching or your complains or smell your farts. Also when I’m going to wash my teeth and you are shitting with the door open…
Stop stealing my water, go and buy your own carboy. Next time you slam the fucking door in the middle of the night I’m going to take your eyes out with a spoon. I thank you don’t wash your dishes so there is a greater likelihood of you getting sick and die.
Hurry up, grow up you little retarded bastard cuz’ I’m gonna punch your face damn hard if it’s not soon.
I can’t believe it. At first I thought my roomies were cool people but I guess I was wrong. Hello?? You don’t own the place OK? We share a flat which means that we cannot do whathever we want unless the other “co habitants” are OK with it.
If you wanna get drunk knock yourself out just don’t do it while I’m trying to sleep because I’m having a terrible headache. Try for once closing the doors gently not banging them, and seriously if you are going to fill the appartment with filthy people at least tell me in advance.
Thank you for being so considerate “roomies”
F***K you all!
I share a single room with my roommate. Somehow, she still hasn’t worked out common courtesy.
Thanks, “roomie,” for coming back to the dorm at three in the morning exclusively on days that you know I have to get up at six. Thanks for coming back high and drunk, with your druggie friends, touching my stuff and leaving the room pocketing everything not tied down.
Thanks for not buying any food when it’s your turn. Thanks for helping yourself to mine regardless. Thanks for leaving huge messes all over the damn room in crumbs and smears and never lifting a finger to help clean up. Thanks for never doing your dishes. Thanks for breaking my mugs. Thanks for making sandwiches you never eat and leaving them on the floor. Thanks for heating up all six of my hot-pockets and then deciding you don’t want them and shoving them back into the freezer. Thanks for never cleaning your drippy, moldy shit out of the fridge.
Thanks for never taking out the trash. Thanks for using all the toilet paper without ever replacing the roll. Thanks for leaving your dirty clothes all over the floor. Thanks for wiping your make-up smeared hand on all of my white towels. Thanks for stealing my quarters to do laundry.
Thanks for handing our network password to everyone within range of our signal. Thanks to you, our bandwidth is stretched so thin our internet is next to useless.
Thanks for inviting your friends over when I’m away. Thanks for having sex on my bed for the thrill of it and yelling at me when I walk in.
Thanks for never doing your homework, and somehow getting away with it. Thanks for borrowing my school supplies because you’re too cheap to buy your own. Thanks for ruining my rented textbook by setting a drink on it.
Thanks for spreading terrible rumors about me. Thanks for making it impossible to make friends in our dorm.
Thank you SO much, roommate. Who even needs to sleep. Who needs cleanliness. Who needs privacy.
Dear Roommates,
Call me old fashioned but it would be nice if you would follow the rules of our lease. You know, the ones about no alcohol, considering that we are all only 18, no smoking inside and not blaring your freaking music after two a.m. Its been three weeks and we’ve already gotten 2 warnings from the office. Good going. I really appreciate it, especially considering that I had nothing to do with it. I’ll be even more appreciative when we all get kicked out.
Also, I would really like it if you would stop talking bad about people and calling them spoiled rich brats, and acting as if you come from the ghetto, when just the other day you were complaining about the BRAND NEW car that your daddy bought you. Take it from someone whose primary mode of transportation is a bike, you could do much worse.
Also, please stop throwing temper tantrums and yelling/whining while you are on the phone with you mom. She’s paying for your education, you could be a little grateful. I’m still civil with my parents and they aren’t even helping me pay for college. Grow up.
Lastly, please be considerate of me and turn the music off every once in a while. I came to college to learn and prepare myself for a career, not to get drunk/high every night. Here’s a crazy thought! I actually want to remember college. I can’t study or sleep when you guys are throwing parties every night. I got into college the old fashioned way: studying, good grades and scholarships. Not rich parents. So please, just leave me alone.
Sincerely,
Your roommate that cannot wait until this school year is over so I will never have to see you again.
Dear Roommate,
Please stop using your bedroom window as a front door because you are so pissed off about our rent going up $20 dollars each (me being the barer of bad news) that you “can’t stand to look at us.” You completely broke the screen of your window doing so, which I know you wont pay to replace.
And you think I don’t see you hurling beer bottles out of your window as I’m sitting on the patio? Pick that shit up. Stop leaving your bathroom looking like a pig stye when you KNOW its the one our guests use.
I’m really entertained with the fact that, after being confronted about any your inappropriate habits, your only defense is to reply with “At least I’m not a piece of shit who will never get anywhere in life.” I make $18 hourly at 19 years old, you are 26 and work at cold stone, gay much? And I go to school full time. you dropped out after a semester, remember?
Just keep in mind, darling, you are not on my lease and I can kick you out without notice whenever I feel like it. Enjoy life under an overpass, asshole
Dear Roommates,
GO TO FUCKING BED.
Stop acting like 3 year old kids.
Throw another tantrum and I swear I’ll punch both of you in the dick.
Clean your freakin messes up.
AND STOP STEALING MY FUCKING CAR WHILE IM ASLEEP.
Dear roommate,
Stop boasting about having ‘studied in Oxford’ when you went to f-ing Oxford Brookes, you twat.
Dear Roommates,
I work two jobs and barely had enough time to sleep before you moved in, so thank you for blaring the TV every day all day (get a fucking life you zombies). Thank you for having loud cougar sex ( I throw up in my mouth when I hear it). Thank you for being alcoholics (I haven’t had a beer since you moved in because you are my after school special). Thank you for the oh so common hallucinations brought on by lack of sleep. I would move if I could afford to. When I do I will be giving you no notice. I HATE YOU.