After spending two years in a frat house, Me and some friends figured it would be time to move out and spend our senior year in a nice big house off-campus. At the moment, there are only four of us here, but we’ll be full up once September rolls around. Three of the four (including myself) are full time tenants. This story is about our summer subletter.
So, right from the beginning. There was a transition period of two weeks between moving out of the frat and into the new house which you, dear subletter, during which you, dear subletter, generously offered to house me. You were going to be back home during that same time, so you figured that it would be best if someone at least occupied the apartment. I’m grateful that you would let me do that, and I did my best to seem like a worthwhile roommate/tenant/whatever.
For the utilities I used in that two week period, I paid a gas bill that you hadn’t paid since March (It being June at the time). I spotted an extra twenty bucks for a long ass car ride that was entirely to your benefit. So, from a fiscal perspective, I would hope that we’re paid up on that.
Your apartment, and there is no better way to describe this, was a putrid shithole. Rotting food, spills, rancid whatevers in the fridge. The dishes hadn’t been done in months, and the sink was full of this nasty rotwater. Every surface was fouled up, dry pasta spilled all over the ground, the stove completely nasty. I cleaned it. I spent 3 furious hours with rubber gloves and a six-pack of sponges, wiping down every surface, cleaning everything, till the floor was completely spotless, the fridge gleaming, the sink looking like a proper sink, and the stove looking like it just came from the factory. Fucking housewife perfect. I organized the leftovers of your pantry, and did my due diligence there.
I also cleaned the main room, your room, and the toilet. All of this cleaning literally amounted to two full days, “getting my Martha Stewart on”, as I joked. I scrubbed the inside of a shit-stained toilet bowl. And it was stained. You guys must have just left it to stew in there for weeks at a time, because it was horrid. but I took care of it. I don’t know how much money they would have taken out of your deposit if you left that shithole to them as you did to me, but that was all my effort.
And then you got back from home, right before we moved into our new place. Awesome. You, and your annoying fucking girlfriend, and another friend of ours, came in to spend the last 2 days in your apartment. You drank all my beer and hard liquor. Fine, I’ll consider that the cost of living. But you threw trash around all over the place, and fucking never flushed, and fouled up everything that could be fouled up, again. I don’t care about smoking, I enjoy the occasional blunt or cig. But I don’t THROW THE BUTTS ON THE FUCKING GROUND. Jesus Christ, learn to take care of yourself.
Anyways, next part of the story. Dear reader, I apologize for the incredible length of this. I really need to vent. So, we get ready to move into our new place. This time, the tables have turned, and you’re the ‘guest’. Moving in, was a complete nightmare. We have all this furniture to move in, generously donated by some other friends who’ve graduated. Myself and our mutual buddy with the big ass minivan spent from 9 in the evening to 3 in the morning, in the drenching, pouring rain, moving furniture and shit into our new house. It was a terrible experience, but we did it. All in the meantime, you spent up to midnight smoking and dicking around with your dumbass girlfriend. Eventually, you moved your stuff out of your own tiny-in-comparison apartment. Well done.
So, we have all of the big furniture (which two of us moved in) settled. Would you like to help us set up? Fuck no. I’d rather spend the entire time, sitting outside, dicking around with my dumbass girlfriend. I spend another full day assembling our couch, moving out old furniture that the old tenants left, getting EVERYTHING ready. And I set up the utilities, thanks. My other roommate and I wasted our 4th of July weekend doing shit you wouldn’t help us with.
Oh, your shitty girlfriend just walked in by the way. I love how she parks in our parking spot like it’s no big deal. Or walks the fuck in without knocking or ringing the doorbell. This is not your house.
Sorry, this is getting long. Basically, you don’t clean up, never take out the trash, never do the dishes, never clean the bathroom. I do most of these things. You leave the toilet unflushed, leave your trash out like it’s no fucking big deal. You toss candy wrappers and cigs on the ground, which I have to clean up. And when I chastise you for it, “be a fag”, as you put it, all you say is “my b dawg, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”. The word “sorry” is not a fucking get-out-of-jail-free card, it is a demonstration of remorse. And remorse is supposed to be the motive to get you to change. But you haven’t, and you probably never will. For the next month, I have to put up with your super-slob behavior, your total disrespect, your passive refusal to pay for ANY bills or groceries or booze, your dumbass girlfriend, and the myriad petty things that go along with having a shitty roommate.
We’re not fucking kids anymore, man. Grow up, and start acting like a real fucking person.