FMR - Fuck My Rommates

Here's the situation: I live in a house with a bunch a shit heads. As a whole, they are dirty ass hippies who suck at life. I should have never moved into a house with these degenerates. They are filthy, stupid, yet see themselves as "progressive" for being dirty fucking

I fucking can't stand this selfish pice of crap

So, I have been roomming w/ a friend of mine from college for one month because I just moved to the City. She is so selfish, moody, argumentative, and seems to be lacking decent human courtesy. First of all, this is NYC, so the walls are paper thin, I can hear every noise

Cheap and Lazy

I knew you were a strange person going into this. We were friends in high school, and you had strange habits. You only wore black because you had social anxiety and apparently if you wore colors, you would be noticed (never mind that you were known school-wide as the

Stop using MY PlayStation 3

Look, I understand you're bored, you're stir crazy. But...you have an android smart phone, you have DVD's galore, a TV in YOUR room, a Super Nintendo, a Nintendo 64, and a gaming computer. You waltz into MY room whenever you feel like it, to play MY PlayStation 3 that I

Freeloading

You two have made me angry since I moved in, and I've said nothing. You eat my food without telling me, you drink my beer, you have the SAME SHIT in the freezer you did a year ago! Why the fuck do you think its OK to take up 95% of the freezer space when two other people also

» College

A Lesbian Roommate Story

Posted on by admin Posted in College, Idiots, Nasty, Weird | 12 Comments

This one’s an oldie but a goodie. It’s absolutely nauseating. An open letter to a former roommate. Here goes:

Hey asshole,

I guess what I’d really like to know is if you’re proud of yourself now. It’s true, I was in denial about how bizarrely fixated you really were with me in high school. Following me to college was the next logical step wasn’t it?

I told you that all I could be was a friend to you. I ignored the red flags because I was silly enough to believe that you would grow the hell up and act like an adult if we were roommates. Yeah, that’s right…ROOMMATES. Okay? We were not lovers. And we weren’t “shacking up” or “playing house” or whatever you think it was.

See, here’s the problem, bitch. I’m straight. I was straight then and I’m straight now. I didn’t want to “give it a chance” or discover the joys of lesbianism with you. Rubbing up against me or slobbering on me wasn’t going to change my mind either. Your breath was really revolting by the way. Got it? And no, I’m not a bigot. I’m just NOT GAY. I don’t think you wanted a real relationship with anyone in any case. A sex doll would work better for you. It has no opinions, never says no and doesn’t care one way or the other about what you do to it.

Your friends were…interesting to say the least. Did you have any that were normal? Any that weren’t immature, emotionally violent or furries in training?

Also, I wasn’t crazy about the clogged toilet. Flushing your tampons down the toilet and clogging up the pipes repeatedly should have clued you in. Why couldn’t you just put them in a trash bag and take them down to the dumpster? And no, I wasn’t interested in picking up your bits of pubic hair lying in the shower drain either.

Here’s the bottom line: agreeing to be your roommate was probably one of the worst choices I ever made, with disastrous long reaching consequences. And I sincerely hope I never see you or hear from you ever again.

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3 Annoying Chinese Roommates

Posted on by admin Posted in Annoying, College, Food, Idiots, Nasty, Noise | 9 Comments

I attend Eastern New Mexico University in Portales, NM. It is a rather small school located in a VERY rural area and it has around 5,000 students. I live in one of the university apartment complexes. Last fall I didn’t have any roommates. I don’t really understand that because I live in a 4 bedroom apartment.

In January, a Chinese guy moved into my apartment. There are several hundred people from China that go to school here. I don’t understand why they come to rural New Mexico but they do. This guy said he had been removed from his previous apartment building and had to move into my apartment. He told me he had been caught drinking and smoking several times. At first I didn’t mind him, but after a while he got to be really annoying. He brought in a lot of groceries. He filled up 4 cabinets full of food. He started leaving disgusting messes in the kitchen. The most annoying thing was that he would turn the thermostat up to 80 degrees at night. Luckily he left the thermostat alone after I spoke to him about it.

I thought things were getting better. Two more Chinese guys moved in a few weeks later. These guys had been removed from their old apartment for violations as well. Luckily the two new guys do not cook in the apartment. Their girlfriends do all the cooking for them. Unfortunately the battle for control of the thermostat started again. I do understand that it does get cool at night in New Mexico, but these guys would leave the thermostat set on 75, 80, and 90 degrees. The highest it goes is 90.

Another annoying thing that they do is frequently leave the front door ajar. I left a note for them and asked them to shut the door all the way but I don’t know if they understood it. I think these guys failed the TOEFL exam.

One of the guys lets his girlfriend live with him, which is against university policy. One night I heard some banging noises and yelling. Then I heard some crying coming from one of the rooms. I thought he might be beating his girlfriend so I called the Resident Assistant and he sent over the Housing Director. The Housing Director had to unlock the guy’s door and separate them. Then he called the police. The policeman talked to him for about and hour and told him that false imprisonment is a crime. Apparently his girlfriend didn’t press charges and nothing ever happened to that guy. The Housing Director said there would be university punishment but he still lives here.

The things that they cook are so nasty. They frequently leave meat out on the kitchen counter for several hours. One time it was squid. One time it was beef tongue. Another time it was a rack of lamb. Every time this guy cooks it stinks up the apartment. I bought air fresheners to try to combat the smell but they don’t really do much.

The roommate who lives on my side of the apartment is the worst one. He came home drunk one night at about 3:00 am. He was singing so loudly I could hear it through my door. He got up several times to use the bathroom. When I woke up in the morning I found urine in my waste basket… I was so upset when that happened. This guy never turns on the vent fan when he takes dumps. He has the nastiest smelling dumps… I have to turn on the vent fan after he gets out of the bathroom and open the windows.

Another annoying habit that they have is leaving lights on. They never turn lights off in the apartment. I guess they just don’t care about wasting energy. They also never take out the garbage. I always take it out. They don’t even offer to buy trash bags. I supply all of the trash bags. I also supply all of the toilet paper for the bathroom on my side of the apartment. They never clean up the messes that they make.

Frequently they have their Chinese friends come over. I don’t know what all they do, but I thought I smelled marijuana coming from one room one night.

I don’t know if any of you are having the same problem. I guess these particular Chinese people come from Sichuan Province. They seem to have a lot of money. They have their own cars and have some really nice things. I really hope I don’t get any Chinese roommates next year…

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Why?!

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Idiots, Noise, Weird | Leave a comment

1. I was going to bed after studying till one in the morning and then suddenly a light comes on and I would of understood if he was studying but he got on facebook till three and I was late for class.
2. Offered to let the high school students tour his dorm room while I was still asleep in my bed.
3. He sleeps all day and snores 24/7.
4. He still watches power ranger for F*cks sake you are 19.
5. Takes control of the tv then sleeps on the remote.

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The Princess and the Pea

Posted on by admin Posted in Annoying, College, Weird | 3 Comments

My Roommate is very sensitive to sound and light apparently, because she can only sleep when I’m asleep. She essentially is try to get my agree to not be awake in the room past midnight (this is in college btw). I realize being a light sleeper sucks, but she really has no right to kick me out of the room. She has to realize being up at midnight, or even later is normal in college. If I were playing loud music or talking on the phone I would get it, but having 1 dim light on and turning the pages in textbooks is a bit extreme sensitivity.

She wants me to cater to her sleeping habits, but she won’t cater to mine. The only nights that I stay up past 1 are when I have a major test or paper. I feel that is reasonable, I shouldn’t be exiled out of my room is that situation.

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Laptop

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, College, Idiots, Payback | Leave a comment

Dear Roommate,

Although at the time of your drunk state you might have thought it would be hilarious to open my brand new macbook-pro and pour water on it, I who now have to pay $800 to have it repaired don’t think it was as funny. You may be denying that you did it, and I may not be able to prove you did it because I wasn’t there, but you best believe that as soon as I am 100% sure you did it, shit is going down. If I were you I would sleep with one eye open, and I suggest you also insure your very own laptop. We wouldn’t want anyone to drop it from the 5th floor of our dorm while they’re drunk.

PS: The next time that you pull some shit like that when your drunk again, you best believe I will get every shade of freaky in the mother-fucking rainbow all up in your shit.

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