3 Annoying Chinese Roommates

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I attend Eastern New Mexico University in Portales, NM. It is a rather small school located in a VERY rural area and it has around 5,000 students. I live in one of the university apartment complexes. Last fall I didn’t have any roommates. I don’t really understand that because I live in a 4 bedroom apartment.

In January, a Chinese guy moved into my apartment. There are several hundred people from China that go to school here. I don’t understand why they come to rural New Mexico but they do. This guy said he had been removed from his previous apartment building and had to move into my apartment. He told me he had been caught drinking and smoking several times. At first I didn’t mind him, but after a while he got to be really annoying. He brought in a lot of groceries. He filled up 4 cabinets full of food. He started leaving disgusting messes in the kitchen. The most annoying thing was that he would turn the thermostat up to 80 degrees at night. Luckily he left the thermostat alone after I spoke to him about it.

I thought things were getting better. Two more Chinese guys moved in a few weeks later. These guys had been removed from their old apartment for violations as well. Luckily the two new guys do not cook in the apartment. Their girlfriends do all the cooking for them. Unfortunately the battle for control of the thermostat started again. I do understand that it does get cool at night in New Mexico, but these guys would leave the thermostat set on 75, 80, and 90 degrees. The highest it goes is 90.

Another annoying thing that they do is frequently leave the front door ajar. I left a note for them and asked them to shut the door all the way but I don’t know if they understood it. I think these guys failed the TOEFL exam.

One of the guys lets his girlfriend live with him, which is against university policy. One night I heard some banging noises and yelling. Then I heard some crying coming from one of the rooms. I thought he might be beating his girlfriend so I called the Resident Assistant and he sent over the Housing Director. The Housing Director had to unlock the guy’s door and separate them. Then he called the police. The policeman talked to him for about and hour and told him that false imprisonment is a crime. Apparently his girlfriend didn’t press charges and nothing ever happened to that guy. The Housing Director said there would be university punishment but he still lives here.

The things that they cook are so nasty. They frequently leave meat out on the kitchen counter for several hours. One time it was squid. One time it was beef tongue. Another time it was a rack of lamb. Every time this guy cooks it stinks up the apartment. I bought air fresheners to try to combat the smell but they don’t really do much.

The roommate who lives on my side of the apartment is the worst one. He came home drunk one night at about 3:00 am. He was singing so loudly I could hear it through my door. He got up several times to use the bathroom. When I woke up in the morning I found urine in my waste basket… I was so upset when that happened. This guy never turns on the vent fan when he takes dumps. He has the nastiest smelling dumps… I have to turn on the vent fan after he gets out of the bathroom and open the windows.

Another annoying habit that they have is leaving lights on. They never turn lights off in the apartment. I guess they just don’t care about wasting energy. They also never take out the garbage. I always take it out. They don’t even offer to buy trash bags. I supply all of the trash bags. I also supply all of the toilet paper for the bathroom on my side of the apartment. They never clean up the messes that they make.

Frequently they have their Chinese friends come over. I don’t know what all they do, but I thought I smelled marijuana coming from one room one night.

I don’t know if any of you are having the same problem. I guess these particular Chinese people come from Sichuan Province. They seem to have a lot of money. They have their own cars and have some really nice things. I really hope I don’t get any Chinese roommates next year…

Noisy, Stinky, Creepy – you do the math

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Apparently doesn’t have the courtesy to masturbate when I’m not in the room. Instead, they find it optimal to masturbate at night when I’m trying to f*cking sleep. Boy, I sure do love trying to rest while the bed is shaking and I’m hearing wet, moaning noises that give me goosebumps from down below.

On a good day, with the window open, the room smells like a dog shelter.

Does not wash their jaundiced, rancid bedsheets. An unpardonable sin.

Walks around the bathroom barefooted, and then walks around the room barefooted. (Let’s drag whatever shit is floating around there back to our room! Woohoo!) It f*cking sounds like a dying fish flopping around crazily every time they walk around the room barefooted.

Leaves what looks like flakes, dead skin, hair and dirt all over the ground. Never sweeps these up. (I do.)

Lacks the common sense to wipe their goddamn shoes after treading in the snow and mud all day before entering the room.

I at least have the courtesy not to turn on the main light to the room–which are bright as f*ck and ring loudly–when coming home late. Unfortunately I, who sleeps on the top bunk and not even two feet away from the main light, have to be subjected to the lights being turned on when they come home late… when the goddamn desk lamps–which provide enough light with minimum noise and minimum insane brightness that not even the bedsheets can mask–are right… f*cking… there.

Makes f*cked-up Hannibal Lecter-type sucking noises in the morning.

Takes way too long to get ready in the morning. Over a f*cking hour. Always has to make their morning drink (every–f*cking–day) as loudly as possible: slamming the microwave door, spoons smacking against the glass and loud, painfully, hair-raisingly loud GULPING noises when consuming said morning drink.

Never helps keeping the room clean. (Me, I sweep the floor, mop the floor, wipe down everything that is touched by human hands with disinfectant wipes, etc.)

Giggles and rants breathlessly to themselves. High-pitched whispers about god knows what and crazy-ass moaning noises. Sounds creepy as hell, like f*cking Pazuzu from The Exorcist.

Cannot put their stinkbomb shoes in the closet after use. Seriously, after taking off their shoes, the whole place instantly smells acutely like a sewer. I have put down a lot of money in air freshener products and sprays.

Puts said shoes by the fridge.

Every night has to make sure their drawers and the door is locked by pulling on the handles incessantly and making loud banging noises.

Snores so badly. I’ve heard them all: Vader-like snores, guttural snores, weezing snores, etc. There are nights when I can’t even sleep.

I can’t wait to go home.

On the crazy scale of 1-10 I hate my roommate with a 46!

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Do you know what’s better than being woken up by an R&B song from 2001 at 6:45? I do. Being woken up by an R&B song from 2001 at 6:45 plus the overhead being turned on and my roommate wearing her squeaky shower shoes while she dances and sings.

My roommate thinks she is Muslim. She was born and raised a Christian. But nowadays she has decided that she must be covered at all times because she is now Muslim.

My roommate is a crazy stalker. She stalks her old boyfriend (broken up for five months now) and even though he has threatened that he will get his parents involved. She saw him the other day and nearly died. He is ugly and has little potential.

My roommate clips her toenails. On my carpet.

My roommate only listens to R&B from the late 90′s and early millennium. There is nothing worse than TLC and Whitney Houston.

My roommate eats Cheez-its like it’s her job. The white cheddar ones that stink like her foot warts.

She sexts boys she has never met.

My roommate is a pathological liar. She always takes my favorite scarf and then says that she doesn’t even like it.

My favorite quality about my roommate is that she is built like a kiwi bird. Look them up.

Couldn’t Be Bothered

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To begin, this is my third roommate. I don’t know what it is, but I have had very different sorts of roommates (and by that I mean they were all entitled bitches from the suburbs but have slightly different opinions about what constitutes a mess and how to be a tolerable person to live with). My current roommate, lets call her Ella, is no better than the last two but she has some very special qualities that make her perhaps more annoying.

Firstly, whenever she has her boyfriend over she feels the need to make a huge mess and never clean it up nor put the 283928 beer bottles she has accumulated over the evening in the friggin recycling she insisted on, she never does dishes and feels that unless the dishes are 99% hers she shouldn’t have to (and yet when they are I still somehow end up doing them), she waits until the last minute to get me her rent check and yet when she needs money for the cable I must pay it to her immediately with no notice, she clearly doesn’t like my boyfriend and feels the need to be incredibly awkward and borderline rude to him every time he is over, she takes up all of the storage and never has offered to move anything to make room for my things including storing some strange sort of work-out pod in the hall closet leaving no room for winter coats, she leaves a trail of crumbs, batter, pasta, and whatever else wherever she goes, and she feels the need to leave ME passive aggressive notes about having the heat on IN THE FRIGGIN WINTER.

Tonight she “confronted” me about leaving the heat on downstairs (that barely works) and I told her about my grievances to which she looked at me like I had accused her of killing puppies and proceeded to say that me cleaning was a “recent thing” by that she must have meant that I didn’t clean the two weeks I didn’t live here yet. UGH!!! I wish her boyfriend would get his ass in gear so she can move out already and he can deal with her insanity. I HATE ROOMMATES!!!

Why?!

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1. I was going to bed after studying till one in the morning and then suddenly a light comes on and I would of understood if he was studying but he got on facebook till three and I was late for class.
2. Offered to let the high school students tour his dorm room while I was still asleep in my bed.
3. He sleeps all day and snores 24/7.
4. He still watches power ranger for F*cks sake you are 19.
5. Takes control of the tv then sleeps on the remote.

BUT BUT BUT…

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I met my current roommate at a job that we both held, I lost my job not long after I started there, she lost hers like 2 months ago, now she signed into an agreement saying that on or before the first of every month, she would pay said amount…was fine till she lost her job, then she failed to start paying the rent after the next month came around she was served with a very nice 30 day notice to pay the past due rent…yet another month has come and gone and I have informed her that on the first of the month she will be served with a 3 day notice of eviction by the county sheriff, but she was not to happy about that, she told me she has a job interview and I still told her I’m sorry we don’t have the faith that you will pay us the past due rent base on the fact fact she cant even pay for a 3 dollar shower curtain that was to be bought when she moved in 6 or so months ago. she will not clean the area that she is inhabiting NASTY, has not bought one roll of toilet paper, NASTY, does not help with any dishes, trash are anything else, so my big deal is she is trying to guilt trip me and my husband into feeling bad about the eviction, but I don’t feel bad nor should I feel bad, she is the one who can pay two months of her cell phone, food, smokes, and fast food……………………GET OUT NOW!!

The Princess and the Pea

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My Roommate is very sensitive to sound and light apparently, because she can only sleep when I’m asleep. She essentially is try to get my agree to not be awake in the room past midnight (this is in college btw). I realize being a light sleeper sucks, but she really has no right to kick me out of the room. She has to realize being up at midnight, or even later is normal in college. If I were playing loud music or talking on the phone I would get it, but having 1 dim light on and turning the pages in textbooks is a bit extreme sensitivity.

She wants me to cater to her sleeping habits, but she won’t cater to mine. The only nights that I stay up past 1 are when I have a major test or paper. I feel that is reasonable, I shouldn’t be exiled out of my room is that situation.

Laptop

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Dear Roommate,

Although at the time of your drunk state you might have thought it would be hilarious to open my brand new macbook-pro and pour water on it, I who now have to pay $800 to have it repaired don’t think it was as funny. You may be denying that you did it, and I may not be able to prove you did it because I wasn’t there, but you best believe that as soon as I am 100% sure you did it, shit is going down. If I were you I would sleep with one eye open, and I suggest you also insure your very own laptop. We wouldn’t want anyone to drop it from the 5th floor of our dorm while they’re drunk.

PS: The next time that you pull some shit like that when your drunk again, you best believe I will get every shade of freaky in the mother-fucking rainbow all up in your shit.

Hamster Poop

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This week I had to remind my flatmate to clean out her hamster cage, I had already fed and watered him myself, he hadn’t been seen for quite some time and I actually thought he might be dead or moved out due to the stink.

So she starts to clear it out after seeming a bit pissed off, she used her bare hands to empty the sodden, stinky, poop filled cage filling (I don’t know what it is I don’t care, it looks like wood shavings or torn up paper)

she then put the parts of the cage, which come off on top of the cooker, I’ve seen the hamster piss indiscriminately, on these parts which have no sort of bedding, that was the first part that made me feel sick.

Then she went on to clean these bits in the kitchen sink with the clean dishes on the side. I could get over that, if an hour later when I went back in to the kitchen and looked in the sink, to see that she hadn’t bothered the rinse the sink of the poop, let alone use any kind of disinfectant!!! if that wasn’t bad enough, she just put any dirty pots back in to the sink on top of this.

All of this and only last week she found out she had an e.coli infection when she though she had cystitis, it all makes sense now. But I cant understand how a 21 year old wouldn’t know that this is NOT OK!

Singing, Scarfing and Smelling

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So my roommate this year is one of my good friends. I should say was, it has been 3 months of living together and I am confident that extreme amount of annoying behavior has put me over the edge. I am on the verge of murder. Problems that have added up to equal my hate?

1. Singing and music. I, like any normal person like music. I enjoy almost anythings. I have even come to like some songs from Glee which are her favorite. However, last week for example, I had to listen to the Glee version of singing in the rain 6 times in a row, over and over she would play this song it drove me crazy. Then started the singing…She is not bad but is it really necessary to sing as much as she does. I here her sh*t music all day everyday, it never stops. I ask her to use headphones but she does not and when me and my other roommates make fun of her for her horrible taste she literally cries.

2. She eats everything she can get her grubby hands on. Literally. We can’t grocery shop as a room cause the chips or cookies or salsa we all go in on are gone within a week if that. She ate entire bow of oreos in one day. ONE DAY! and my soy milk is constantly being depleted. just go buy your own damn milk.

3. Hygiene. Not only does this bitch hardly ever shower but has no started to use my things. She has broken half the bristles on my brush running it through her nasty, knotted hair. Also, cleans her pussing ingrown toenail with my stuff!!!! like my neosporin gets her gross all over it.

4. Crying. Everything I say or do that is a joke results in a bitchy tone or a tear fest. Normal jokes between people can’t happen with this thing.

5. Walking around in your underwear. Yes me and my room mates have no problem with that. In fact its fine be me however she is about 200 pounds of woman and nobody wants to see that in a pair of granny panties sprinting around the room. Please, thats just gross.

6. Bedtime at nine o clock, I’m in college. Nuff said.