Here’s the situation: I live in a house with a bunch a sh*t heads. As a whole, they are dirty ass hippies who suck at life. I should have never moved into a house with these degenerates. They are filthy, stupid, yet see themselves as “progressive” for being dirty f*cking hippies. You guys are the reason why nobody wants to listen to activists or environmentalists, because flakes like you ruin that image with your laziness and whining. I will describe each roommate and why they should go f*ck themselves. This is probably also an argument for why parents need to smack their kids: otherwise you’ll get self-entitled f*cks that fail at life.
Roommate #1: You don’t work and all you have to worry about is school. That’s it. Does it take too much time to practice proper hygeine? I can smell yours and Roommate #2′s stinky rank rooms from down the hallway. Also stop being a condescending f*ck to my girlfriend, she might not be as old as you, but she certainly has her shit together more then you do. I’d be upset too if I had to be around you guys as much as she does. So how about before trying to make my girlfriend out to be somehow not as smart as you, let’s just point out the fact that she gets better grades than you, volunteers and exercises more then you, and she’s graduating this year while you still have two (maybe more) years to go and she’s a good 3 years younger then you. Maybe you should peel your fat ass off the couch and do more with your life before judging others? Oh, and where the f*ck is the money you owe me? you said you’d give it to me once you got your student loan, and I have yet to see my money since you got your loan.
Roommate #2: You as well, need to learn how to do laundry and not smell like sh*t. Somehow you got a girlfriend, but after meeting her I can see how you two are quite the pair. You are the oldest yet the most irresponsible. All you do is whine about your work (which is only part-time, I work full-time you b*tch) and never wash dishes or cook for anyone. At least Rommie #1 cooks and sometimes cleans. You act like you are better then everyone else because you are not originally from Canada, but reality is, you are in your mid 30s and still can’t take care of yourself, so yah, you can’t really judge anyone. Stop putting your dishes ontop of the dishwashers, you are supposed to 1) open dishwasher and then 2) put dishes in dish washer.
Roommate #3: aka whiny ass gf of rommie #2. STOP B*TCHING ABOUT YOUR MASTERS! If you don’t like it so much, then drop out! I can’t take it anymore, every time you come home all you do is whine. News flash: you are not that exciting to talk to either. All you do is whine and talk about school stuff, and how you are so hard done by, f*ck off you are such a boring f*ck. Oh and, I’m sorry, but just because you are in University and you bang a lot of people, that doesn’t make you a feminist, it makes you a slut. And also, stop whining about how big your butt is, how about you eat properly and exercise? Because, eating potato chips all days and then saying at dinner time “I’ll only have a little, I’m trying to lose weight”… WTF? Sorry but you get no sympathy from me. I never see you ever cook for anyone, and YOU were the one to come up with the rule “whoever cooks doesn’t have to clean” yet when someone cooks for you, you rarely do the dishes, yet alone offer any help. I’m sorry, but just because you are doing your Masters it doesn’t mean that everyone should cater to you. By the way, you are really ugly and you walk like Mr. Smithers from the Simpsons. I really hope that you and #2 never have children. They will be ugly as sh*t, and lazy as f*ck.
Roommate #4 – Why are you so passive? You are an okay roommate, but even when I point out how Roommate #3 is using you you just ignore it? Do you want people to feel sorry for you? Are you really that stupid that you can’t see that you are a doormat to the other roommates and they treat you like a slave? I hope you snap at the whiny b*tch #3 one day because she is using you beyond belief for attention. Can’t you see she is a manipulative c*nt who kisses your ass so that you cook dinner for her and kiss her fat ass back?
If it wasn’t for my girlfriend believing all your stupid sob stories and convincing me that we should get a house together, then none of you would have been able to move out. You ungrateful f*ck heads. As soon as you get what you want, you just become lazy assholes and never live up to what you say you’ll do. All of you will have sh*tty lives because you are either stupid or have no work ethic nor proper hygiene. You are all gross assholes and hope you guys continue to fail at life.