Is your life what you would call a complete success? Come on now really?
You're a spoiled asshole. I hate you. I hate your girlfriend. She's the only person I've ever met more narcissistic than you.
Stop trying to clean the bathroom with pure ammonia!!! It smells like a wild animal peed all over the hall.
You pessimistic, disrespectful, unhygienic, emotionally unstable, medication popping, whore! Clean up after yourself and ur cats shit!
When I said I didn't mind your boyfriend spending the night here Friday, I literally meant just the one night. Not the whole damn weekend.
Tu eres una pinche puta fea!!! No eres la mejor chica en el puto mundo!!!
You're an uptight chihuahua that's been drinking way too much coffee&redbull. No wonder why your previous roommates can't be around you
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why the FUCK did you lose my keys?! I’m mad right now
can I kick my roommate in her dyke balls now?!
I really hate you right now for waking me up and being an obnoxious bitch.
I love how you used to cry like a baby about your boyfriend all the time and fight with him for hours over the phone, then invite him over
She’s always screaming at her boyfriend until late, and her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Shut up!
I have so much more fun when you’re not in the room with me. Wherever you go, why don’t you just stay there forever? I’ll UPS your stuff.
You’re not here on the weekends. Do not think you suddenly have authority in the room when you get back.You are barely enrolled in college.
Dear roommates,
First of all, you are all fat fucking bitches. Although I act cordial with you (mainly because I have no other choice), I still fucking hate you all. I can’t wait until this semester is over, then I am the fuck out of here.
Roommate 1: First of all, stop burping all the time, it is disgusting. It makes me want to vomit. Second, stop talking shit about me to your mom in Spanish. I have already told you I understand Spanish, dumb bitch! I know what you are saying. Your insecurities cause you to be rude to me, talk shit behind my back, and criticize me. When you act rude to me in front of other people like you did today, it just makes YOU look bad. How about this- spend less time worrying about how I look, stop stuffing your face, and go to the gym and maybe you will feel better about yourself.
Stop talking about shitting- I don’t give a fuck you’re nasty. Stop talking about the ugly guys you can’t even get with, it is annoying and I don’t care. Is that really all you have to talk about? Stop coming in the fucking kitchen every time I am in there, can I cook in peace sometimes? You never shut up!
It is also fucking pathetic that you go out EVERY WEEKEND to try to get laid, and you can never get a guy! You are a female, it should not be that hard to get laid!! But I guess when you are that fat, aggressive and masculine, that puts a damper on things. Oh, and by the way I know you lie to me about when you are going out, I am not stupid like you. I just don’t care enough to call you out.
And you are the cheapest bitch I know!!! If we cook a meal together, you are supposed to pay for half of the ingredients. Instead you say “Oh, I don’t feel like going to the grocery store”.You are obviously trying to get out of paying. I am done splitting food with you, bitch.
Also, you are so fucking stupid it is ridiculous! I don’t even know how you got into a university, but you don’t belong here. You say the dumbest shit, then when I tell you otherwise you quote your dad, who isn’t even high school educated. Idgaf about what your dad thinks. You make fun of my major because it is supposedly easy, yet you flunk all of your classes. If you can’t pass Intro to Biology, YOU SHOULDN’T FUCKING MAJOR IN BIOLOGY. You failed two out of three classes last semester, and now you are retaking those classes and are in the process of failing again- what a joke. Your GPA is a 1.0, HAH! I hope your ass gets kicked out at the end of the semester.
I wanna punch you in your face.
Roommates 2 and 3:
You two are slobby, lazy fucking pigs. CLEAN UP YOUR DISHES! I haven’t been able to cook for weeks because the kitchen is so filthy and I can’t use the sink because all of your dishes are in there! We have a dishwasher for a reason!
Learn some manners, and stop being barbaric. It is gross and embarrassing. And your voices annoy the shit out of me. Why do you have to be so loud? You two are always screaming instead of talking. You have the most annoying laugh I have ever heard- a high pitched cackle that makes me want to rip my ears off of my head.
It is so disgusting that you leave chicken out on the counter for two days, then cook it. The chicken is bad, duh! In fact, you do that with all of your food. We have a refrigerator, when you are done eating, use it. No actually, don’t. I hope you get sick from all of the old bacteria ridden food you eat because you are too lazy to put it away.
And don’t use my pans unless you are going to clean them! I hate that I have to keep all of my cooking utensils in my room, because you two fuck them up by scratching them, and staining them by leaving food on it for days. Fuck you.
I refuse to buy dish soap for you two ever again. I provided it for the first semester, and you thoughtless bitches couldn’t even buy some more after you use it all. And when the dish soap runs out, its gone! Don’t keep on filling it up with water and then using that to wash dishes, that is disgusting and unsanitary.
Hate,
Roommate 4
Bitch
You are such a freaking liar… You keep claiming to be a student, yet you don’t leave the house except to go to work and to party. If anything, you have ONE online class….Why are you even here?? I hate you so much, you are the most annoying, bitchy, and grossest person I’ve ever had to deal with. Stop putting your crap everywhere, and stop buying new stuff everyday!!! I started taking stuff from the many bags you leave lying around, because you don’t even remember what you’ve gotten and I’ve acquired practically a whole new wardrobe from your shopping problems and you haven’t event noticed a thing. I think you are the scum of the earth. And really, we don’t even have a spring break but your going to Vegas for week anyway. You have serious mental problems. You’ll probably just end up drinking and sleeping with some guy, and hopefully you’ll come home, let boys in your room, I’ll take pictures, and then I’ll get you kicked out. Then I can take your room, and live peacefully for the rest of my college experience.
I swear if you put any of your crap in my section of the fridge again, I will throw it out. I already only take up one half of the smallest shelf, while your crap is all over the place. And why the hell do you keep buying bags of fresh vegetables and lettuce? You never eat them, you’re just buying food that we don’t have room for, that you just let spoil anyway. Why do you keep complaining about gaining weight, you eat out EVERY-SINGLE-DAY! I see the McDonald’s, Jimmy John’s, and KFC bags in the trash. Yeah, you are getting fatter, it’s your own fault.
My roomates crap takes up majority of the pantry. I am reduced to one shelf and a small portion of the fridge. She buys stuff and lets it sit.
I wish you didn’t come home from spring break. You should have just stayed in Vegas and became a fucking stipper.
You are a piece of shit, get a job, stop yelling at videogames at any hour of the day. and STOP SMOKING INSIDE!!!!!
I’m not messy or loud. I clean up after me and my boyfriend I clean the kitchen weekly. WHAT do you have to bitch about really? Do tell
Please take your high school ways and shove it up your ass.
Im not here for drama. I am here to live. I could be 100 times worse.
Yelling at me for not vacuuming the living room when I NEVER get to sit in their is really overrated.
You are best friends thats fine. But I pay rent to I live here to. That does not mean that I should feel uncomfortable in my own home
Someday in the not-so-distant future I’m going to get sick of your mouth. I hope you’re saving up for that day, because I feel it coming.
Were you raised in a fucking barn because you are the most low-rent bitch I’ve ever fucking met. And you think you’re considerate?
Um, I wouldn’t tell people that you’re already worried about your sister getting pregnant in high school seeing how she’s only 12.
Excuse me for needing to wake up at 7:00 for an 8:00 class and needing to go to bed “early”. Yeah, cuz 11 is fucking early for you.
Yea, my roommate flipped when I told her if she didn’t start following visiting hours, which end at midnight, then I would tell the RAs. She cussed me out, said I was being childish, then wrote me a letter like a 5-year-old 2 weeks later saying sorry, but mostly just explained why her life was so hard and how its not normal for college students to go to bed by 12….out of her dang mind. I think she’s lying about going to school too. She wakes up everyday at 12, goes to work at 2, comes home at 8 with like 5 bags of new crap, then has loud, obnoxious people over until 3am.
You whine about failing all your classes but I never once saw you fucking study the whole time I roomed with you.
No, I didn’t take your fucking nasty nail clipper. Maybe if you stopped losing all your shit all the time you’d know where the fuck it is.
You have ur head so far up her ass it’s almost funny. Yeah, it’s her room too, but you know what? You didn’t have to live with her.
Thanks for leaving your shit on my fucking bed every time I came back and acting like I was a bitch for wanting to sleep!
Also, good luck on that Spring Break trip to Mexico with all of our friends. You’ll be lucky if you make it out alive, dumb slut.
I kept my mouth shut last year, but here goes: youre a fucking fat cunt and the most clueless twat I’ve ever met.
Stop demanding me what to do. You’re not my fucking mother. Ask politely, or I’m not doing shit for you.
My bitch of a roomate is the same way. Thinks she is the boss of everything. You’re not alone.
I think it’s so funny that you’re family doesn’t know how much trouble you have keeping dick out of your pussy.
You’re the laziest fucking person I’ve ever met. You can’t even bring yourself to do homework and flunk every test you take.
You’re a fucking psycho bitch who belongs in a psych ward. I hope you get fucking AIDS you disgusting slut whore.
Hey, Karen, you fucking fat gross pig- I hate you, bitch! You are the dirtiest, grossest, pig-faced roommate I have ever had. You are pathetic-you are so dirty, you think you live here alone, you take all the room in the cupboards, and you are a complete asshole. You have family/friends over at any time, are so loud that even with the tv turned up as high as it will go, I can’t hear it in my room-with the door closed! You have the worst attitude ever, all you do is lay on your dirty stained bed and talk on the phone, and you don’t care about anyone but yourself. You are low-life white-trash, raised with no manners, and you’re just plain u g l y!!! You have no sympathy for anyone, think everyone should feel sorry for you, and you would steal the cane from a blind man. No wonder your husband cheated on you- you’re DIRTY! I hope your ten-year-old piece of crap car dies, you get fired from your shitty job, and you hook up with someone who treats you as horribly as you have treated me and everyone else you don’t like. You are a miserable piece of shit, and you deserve to end up even fatter, uglier, lonlier, and nastier than you are now- really, you are a miserable, waste of flesh, STAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go eat shit and die, you fucking dirty bitch! I hate you!
I’v haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. You’re story made my day.
p.s I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
REALLY YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU NEVER LOCK THE DOOR, EVEN WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR WORK BUT THE SECOND YOU SEE ME LEAVE TO GET MY LAUNDRY YOU LOCK IT SO I HAVE TO GET MY KEY OUT WHEN IM CARRYING A BIG BASKET. AAAAAND YOU HEAR ME TRY TO OPEN THE DOOR AND JUST LAY THERE ON YOUR ASS WITH YOUR LAME FRIENDS….I HATE YOU AND I SERIOUSLY LITERALLY WISH YOU WERE DEAD. I CAN’T STAND YOU, YOU ARE THE GROSSEST DIRTIEST PERSON I’VE MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m sick of seeing people post things on your facebook about how your mom would be so proud of the person you’ve become, thats a bunch of bull. you’re a horrible person.
jackasses, thanks for fucking breaking into my room claiming that you were looking for beer you thought i stole for no reason at all
look where you’re fucking opening your car door next time. five fucking scratches i have now on my door thanks to you. i also have a name fuckwit, learn it, when the ups man comes don’t say “they don’t live here”. obviously someone ordered something so either let everyone in the house know or sign it yourself. fucksake.
roommate #2 stop playing your shitty fucking foreign music. don’t ask me to drive you to the shop to buy some fucking video game on a weekend. so what if it was raining, catch a fucking bus or buy an umbrella you prick. i aint driving you anywhere, then’ll you be asking to come along everytime i leave the house. fuck you!
Roommate, stop bitching about how you work all day every day. how is that possible when you are ALWAYS HOME! UGH
roommate, do you even realize that you are not the only person living here? WTF. grow up, stop partying every night and get a real job!
Dear Roommate,
You call other people sluts, yet you’re such a whore that you can’t even keep your legs closed around guys you don’t know.
roomie just got his own place but has no furniture so work gave him a $25 gc (thrift store). sat on his ass for 3 months and gets a handout
My fat roommate just came home and bitched about the light being on for 30 min in the living room. then slammed her door. omfg calm down…
You only have the friends you have from spreading shit around about me. You’re a bitch. Fall off a cliff, please?
Roomie finally got a place of his own and is out of my place. Can I stay with you a few days turned into 3 long months! Freedom!
Thanks for never leaving me any dinner when I come home from a long shift at work. You’re so damned inconsiderate of everyone else here!
The combination of one of you listening to obnoxious Pop/Rock music downstairs and the other two having sex next door ALL AT 2:00 AM is far from pleasing. Please take your bad music and fucking elsewhere.
Love, Unhappy Roommate
Stop making excuses for why you can’t move out yet. You should have been out last Wednesday! Stop crying and do something about your life
Dear Roommates,
fUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS!! I HOPE YOU DIE ON YOUR WAY TO STARBUCKS!
My house mate is a complete shit bag who cares about no one but herself, claims she owns everything in the house because she bought it even though we paid her back! I hope her mum dies in hell and her boyfriend cheats on her.
I don’t want to know why the bathroom doorknob is slimy, I just want you to clean it. And the hairy shower, and the sticky sink. Bitch.
I don’t give a shit where you go or what you do or what you bought. Stop giving me every detail of your life. I don’t care.
I love how you think I’m paying attention to you at every moment of the day, just because we’re sitting in the same room
My roomie does this, too!! If I am not constantly paying attention to her while we’re in the same room she gets upset and broody and storms off then later complains that I always ignore her. Come on, sometimes I just want to do stuff on my own!