FMR - Fuck My Rommates

Here's the situation: I live in a house with a bunch a shit heads. As a whole, they are dirty ass hippies who suck at life. I should have never moved into a house with these degenerates. They are filthy, stupid, yet see themselves as "progressive" for being dirty fucking

I fucking can't stand this selfish pice of crap

So, I have been roomming w/ a friend of mine from college for one month because I just moved to the City. She is so selfish, moody, argumentative, and seems to be lacking decent human courtesy. First of all, this is NYC, so the walls are paper thin, I can hear every noise

Cheap and Lazy

I knew you were a strange person going into this. We were friends in high school, and you had strange habits. You only wore black because you had social anxiety and apparently if you wore colors, you would be noticed (never mind that you were known school-wide as the

Stop using MY PlayStation 3

Look, I understand you're bored, you're stir crazy. But...you have an android smart phone, you have DVD's galore, a TV in YOUR room, a Super Nintendo, a Nintendo 64, and a gaming computer. You waltz into MY room whenever you feel like it, to play MY PlayStation 3 that I

Freeloading

You two have made me angry since I moved in, and I've said nothing. You eat my food without telling me, you drink my beer, you have the SAME SHIT in the freezer you did a year ago! Why the fuck do you think its OK to take up 95% of the freezer space when two other people also

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Weird

The Rainbow Cow

Posted on May 1, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Weird | Leave a comment

Dear Roommate,

I hate you. I hate the way get upset when things don’t go your way. It’s not my fault that YOU hate when I clean up the room. GET OFF YOUR FAT A**!!

I hate walking into the bathroom behind you and smelling old rotten fish. Not because you were on your period but because you didn’t learn how to clean your p****! It’s called soap and water!!

I hate the fact you wear a purity ring and still participate in sexual acts! Just because you take the ring off and put it on after doesn’t mean it’s a loop hole makes you a hypocrite.

You never clean our apartment! I helped your lazy a** move in from across the complex and down two flights of stairs. How do you repay me by not paying me for working YOUR shift at a ten year old’s party!

I hate the way you dress. If you can’t zip your jeans then they aren’t your size!! I understand big girl problems, but damn! Please quit walking around like a rainbow threw up on you. Just because colors go together doesn’t mean you have to wear every single one together!!!

I hate you because you sat around all year on your a** not washing a dish and eating all of my food. Yet you can spend all your money on movies, posters, shoes, thongs (You’re over 300 lbs. no one wants to see that) and can’t even buy a f***ing trash can.

I hate the way you laugh, the way you scream, and I hate the way you breathe. I’m glad you got the hell out of my apartment.

Hatefully,
Savege

P.S. I also hate you for ripping my shoes with your fat feet. For ruining my NIKES by walking through mud and thinking it was funny. For stealing my eyeliner and saying you “left it on your sink”. AND For giving away my hair dryer, nail polish, straightener, and shoes without my permission.

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You won’t get anywhere in life with that attitude

Posted on May 1, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Food, Lazy, Mess, Weird | Leave a comment

My roommate is the most lazy person I know. She sleeps until 1pm EVERYDAY, she lays in bed ALL DAY, and whenever she has some homework to work on (if she feels like it), she waits until it’s 9pm to start doing it and stays up until 6am and then the same cycle begins again!

She eats crap and then complains about her weight and how her face breaks out (uhmm hello?), she says she doesn’t know how to eat vegetables more often (lunch maybe?), and then she cries when all her work piles up. At first I felt bad for her, but now I just want her to fail and get kicked out of school. Seriously. I can’t stand her.

Besides, she is so messy she leaves even her underwear on the floor. She NEVER cleans her dishes and she leaves everything messy in the kitchen! This last weekend she didn’t even GET OUT of our room!! She just stayed in her pj’s all day watching tv shows from Friday until Monday morning when she finally decided she had to go to class (she missed a lot of classes last week just because she felt like it).

She complains because she can’t find neither a job nor an internship, and she doesn’t do anything about it. I wish she would move back to her stupid old college. AND whenever she goes out, she always gets shit-faced. She throws up all day the next day and sometimes even stays hungover for 2 or 3 days. I really wish her the worst in her life, I can’t stand her and again, I hope she gets kicked out of school or realizes she’s not made for this career.

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I don’t hate easily, but I hate you… bitch mate.

Posted on April 30, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Mess, Nasty, Weird | 3 Comments

Dear Roommate,

Thank you so much for being one of the worst room mates I’ve ever had. I’ve had some bad ones, but you are in a world all your own. You seem to think that living with me meant that you were moving in with a Mr. Maid service. How come your parents didn’t teach you how to clean? Remember Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown? I think you’re his sister.

At the start of our living arrangement, you knew that we were not necessarily going to be “friends”. I’d never met you before and I told you that I’m a person that likes to spend my time in my room. You said you were fine with that because you were never home. When I told you about the mouse in the house, you were so nonchalant that I thought, maybe I was overreacting–I soon found out that you’re a passive aggressive person and nonchalance is your way of (not) dealing with things.

After 6 months of living together without incident, I asked you to clean up your mess, after you made food in the kitchen and left your debris on the counter and floor. As a result, you damn near had a nervous breakdown in your response email and it made me feel sorry for what I said. Two days later, you asked if I “should think about moving out”. When I told you no, I was not thinking about it, you went around me, cried to the landlords and told them that you felt like you couldn’t come home and that we were too different so you wanted me to move or you were moving. Now, I’m the one who has been given the 28 day notice and they told me it was because I made a big deal about removing the mice and because you felt like you couldn’t come home because I was too “confrontational”. Bitch, please.

You then emailed me and said that you wanted to live with a friend of yours and that you felt like living with a friend would be better for you than living with someone you’d never met. Two weeks later, you asked me if you could show my room to people from Craigslist!!!

You fuckin lying, pot bellied bitch! Oh yeah, don’t think I haven’t seen it. The pot belly that pops out of all your shirts and little black yoga pants. You told me that you can’t keep a boyfriend and it’s no wonder. No man wants to clean up after your filthy ass–and what do you do at night? Roll in garbage dumps? The shower is always filthy after you’ve been in there. Do you shit in the tub? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Instead of (wo)manning up, and talking like an adult should do, you acted like a baby to get your way. You’re a duplicitous person. You are the most deplorable, childish, selfish, passive aggressive, lush of a 30 year old that I have ever met.

No matter how many bottles of wine you “taste”, no matter how many “friends” you think you have (who all treat you like boo boo the fool), no matter how many trips around the world you snap photos of and put in a book that you only show people when you want to impress them, or how many loose, slutty, or repressed lesbian things you do (like the time you pretended to give a pool stick a blow job and the time you drunkenly tried to kiss my girlfriend) …you will never be able to escape yourself. Where ever you go, there you are….unfortunately.

I hope your new room mate (not a friend but a Craigslister) is a sleepwalker who turns the living room into a barnyard. Then maybe you’ll be able to feel at home.

Loathing your existence,

Your soon-to-be (and not soon enough) ex-room mate

PS: I fuckin hate you. The landlords can eat shit, too.

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My Bulgarian Roommates

Posted on April 27, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Idiots, Weird | 2 Comments

I live with 3 seniors from Bulgaria at a liberal arts college apartment in Virginia. In the beginning of the year they were weird, but nice. As the year progressed, things have gotten much worse. The one I share a room with is a skinny egotistical bitch. He’s very awkward and sits on his bed all day watching gossip girl or soccer. He asks me everyday how many times I masturbate, why the fuck do you care? He comes downstairs when I have friends over and sits in the corner and stares. He’s super awkward, and the morning after he calls the girls I bring over bitches because no one is interested in him.

He’s a creepy stalker too, he watches me at water polo practice through the gym window and smiles. Creeper. To top it off hes a huge prick. Boys laundry smells. I wash my clothes and bedding every week and put every bit of laundry in my hamper to keep things neat and he comments on how bad it smells when he goes to the gym and sits in his sweaty clothes for an hour and then showers.

The second and third one have this problem in common. I have stomach problems, which cause me to use the bathroom frequently. It’s very annoying, but there is nothing available to manage it. Every time I use the bathroom, they either try and break in, knock On the door when they don’t need to use the restroom, or try and converse with me through the wall. They also count how many times I use the restroom- sorry that I have these issues, but there is nothing that I can do about it which makes me feel awful. On top of pissing me off about the bathroom, those other two sluts ask me stupid ass questions, like why I put bread in the freezer.

They are also fond of blasting this crappy Bulgarian music at 4 am and hollering at drunk girls to come over, such a bad reputation. Apparently it’s also acceptable to attempt to gang rape your roommate. Yes I said it, gang rape after I got out of the shower they dog piled on me. They also have a need to ask about my sex life. I’m homosexual and don’t flaunt my sexuality. They ask me every night if I had sex and how, Jesus Christ stop thinking about me and get a life all of you.

It’s 2 am and in 2 hours they will be blasting Bulgarian music, FML don’t live with foreigners

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The Naked Roommate

Posted on April 22, 2012 by admin Posted in College, Food, Garbage, Lazy, Mess, Nasty, Noise, Weird | Leave a comment

A few semesters ago I moved back to college after winter break to begin the Spring semester. My roommate from the previous semester was an international student who had returned home after the semester ended. This was unfortunate, because I had spent the entire previous semester hanging out with other international students, and he was very easy to get along with.

When I walked into the room I met my new roommate. He was a freshman transfer student and was only 18. I was 22 at the time. The first few weeks seemed normal, nothing out of the ordinary happened. After a few weeks, however, things got weird. One morning he informed me he slept naked. I didn’t realize this because I always went to bed and got up before he did. Still kind of weird. He was also rushing a fraternity that semester and would always come in late. I am a very light sleeper and this drove me up the wall. He would also talk very loud when he was on the phone. I’d usually just put in my headphones and turn the music up. After a few weeks his side of the room got very messy. He would never do laundry. I counted the number of times he did laundry and changed his sheets during the semester. He changed his sheets once and maybe did laundry three or four times.

His clothes began to pile up on his side of the room towards the door. You literally could not see the floor because the clothes were everywhere. He never took out his trash either. He cut his own hair and would leave the hair clippings on the bathroom floor. One time he came in drunk and peed all over the bathroom floor. Another time I took out his trash before I left for Spring Break. Some type of liquid spilled out of the trash can. I’m not sure what it was, but the smell made me throw up. One day he told me that he kept smelling something horrible and he couldn’t figure out what it was. It turned out to be his bedsheets. He also left food on top of his wardrobe that would get all moldy and rotten. I literally gagged on several occasions when I walked into the room.

I survived the semester thanks to work and other campus groups that I was part of. This kept me out of the room except when I came in at night to sleep, which I got very little of.

I’ll never forget the day that I left to go home for the summer. I went down to the lobby so the RA could check me out of my room. My roommate had not yet moved out and was in the room sleeping. As the RA and I were riding up the elevator, I warned her of what she was about to see. She said, “that’s OK, I’ve seen it all before.” I told her, “believe me, you’ve never seen anything like this.” As we entered the room, we stepped over and on his clothes that were scattered about the floor. My side of the room was spotless, and she quickly checked to make sure everything was OK. She looked over at my sleeping roommate and asked me, “is he naked?” I started laughing and told her yes. We quickly left the room and as we were going down the elevator she said, “you’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that.”

Before the semester ended I had already signed up for a different room and a different roommate, who I knew personally and am good friends with. I am getting ready to graduate soon, but I don’t think I will ever forget the semester with the naked roommate.

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