Category Archives: Pictures

The Wonderful World of Fatty McGoo

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Fatty McGoo is probably the most disgusting person I have ever met in my life. She is also probably the least intelligent person I have ever met. Sadly, she is also my roommate.

Fatty McGoo stinks. Like really stinks, as in when she takes her boots off it clears a room. Her own room is probably a biohazard, but I’ll get there at the end. I have never in my life could have ever imagined someone smelling as bad as her. She smells like a six week old cheeseburger, masked with the scent of baby powder and rotten vanilla. Believe me, it is disgusting.

She is the only person I have ever met that can leave the stove burner on two times in a day, which is quite an accomplishment because she has never touched weed before in her life. Other things she consistently leaves on are: Televisions, faucets, electric heaters, and lights and bathroom fans. In fact, the other night she left the bathroom fan on, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it woke me up. And if it hadn’t woken me up, the house could have burned down from the glowing red stove top that was beginning to melt an empty bottle of ginger ale.

This brings me to my next quip about her. She is always sick, and firmly believes ginger ale makes her better. She believes in a whole bunch of bullshit natural remedies which probably only appeal to her because she gets to eat more. Yes, Fatty McGoo, a big glass of artificially flavoured ginger sugar water is going to cure all of your ailments. It’s also not going make you fatter than you already are, and especially if you drink a two litre bottle a day.

This brings me to my next topic – her diet. Fatty McGoo, coincidentally, is very large. She eats roughly the same as an Olympic power lifter. This equates to roughly 3200 calories a day; that is if you don’t include her snacking or ginger ale consumption. Her breakfast usually consists of at least three eggs, two slices of toast, and a large glass of milk and a coffee (four spoons of sugar and three spoons of cream). Her lunch is usually pasta or potato salad, kenwa, and other such things. Super will consist of kenwa, two sausages, and a slice of chicken. Add in there a large bag of Doritos, and some yogurt for snacks and there you have her diet, which also leaves quite the mess.

You see, Fatty McGoo is always in a rush. Nobody knows why she is always in a rush, as nobody with such a meaningless life should ever be in a rush. I guess getting back to her computer is such a big deal that everything else can wait, and everything else does wait because she never cleans anything. Or sorry she does do her dishes, but only if there is nothing in the drying rack. This is actually a good thing, because it keeps the rest of us from having to sort through the dishes she has done and the dishes we have done. Fatty McGoo doesn’t do her dishes well, again, because she is always in a rush. There is almost always food stuck to the plates that she has cleaned. Sometimes it doesn’t even look like she used soap.

Now, you are all probably thinking to yourselves “She can’t be that bad… I’ve had worse”. Fatty McGoo is 28 years old. To show you how large of a slob she actually is, I’m going attach pictures I took of her room just yesterday. Hope you all enjoy!



John

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My roommate John is a completely useless person. He is 31 and just starting college because he spent all of his twenties doing drugs and following around the band Widespread Panic. When I first met him I thought it was kind of cool that he lived an alternative lifestyle and was into music… Now I see that he’s really a pathetic excuse for an adult.

Today we got into an argument because I am having a friend come up here from Florida. Out of respect I told John that my friend would probably be sleeping here at night. John freaked out and said that he didn’t want my friend coming over because John’s dog Kaiser doesn’t like strangers. It is true, Kaiser the 100 pound German Shepard is really protective and likes to attack at random times (I’ve been bit..at least 5 times in the past two months, once where it broke the skin on my arm and then once on the thigh where I still have huge bruises) So I told john that I’d let my friend come in through the window to get into my room so Kaiser didn’t flip out. John proceeded to get very upset (He has major anxiety problems) and acted like it was the end of the world because I wanted my friend to have a warm place to sleep at night. Mind you, I have never had guests over because this dog is just as ridiculous as his owner. So now my friend doesn’t have anywhere to stay.

I made the mistake of trying to be in a relationship with John the first week I moved in. He is a major liar. He pretended he liked to be outside and didn’t watch tv or play video games. All he does is sit in his man cave and play online poker and smoke weed while watching a movie on a separate monitor . I slept in his bed the first week but he kept farting so I finally gave up and now I sleep in my own room. I can’t believe I had sex with this grossy mcgross gross! He always scratches his butt and his balls in front of me. He even does this while grocery shopping. And when we were laying in bed he would scratch his butt and then put the hand he used on me! ugh.

A few weeks ago the cops came to our house and arrested him for violating a restraining order his ex had on him. I know he didn’t violate the restraining order because he was here the whole time.. But I had to take care of his house and his dog and correspond with all of his friends and family to make sure John got out of jail and his uncle wanted me to go down to the courthouse with 1000 in cash in the middle of the night.

All John talks about is
A. How his life sucks because his ex is trying to put him in jail all the time
B. How his back, shoulder, knees, and head hurt.
C. How he can’t wait to see widespread panic again.

He’s very selfish and constantly wants me to give him back massages or scratch his back. He asks every night. Since I have been here he has given me a total of 2 back somethings. I say something because he doesn’t know how to give a back massage and it lasts for less than a minute.

He is from West Virginia. He has the worst voice ever. I first thought the southern accent was kinda cute but now all I do is hear him complain in it or baby talk to his dog. I will be so glad when I never have to hear his voice again!

When John gets home from school the first words out of his mouth are usually: “I’m tired” or “I’m Hungry”. Then he proceeds to talk about the grades he made that day and waits for approval. After that he’ll ask “how are you” but he really doesn’t care what I have to say and usually walks to his man cave while I am trying to talk to him.

John likes to eat. He probably eats a stick of butter a day. His favorite food is sausage and he makes it every week. He also like sauerkraut and pork and beans. He farts non stop. Puts cheese on everything along with extra salt. One day I added up all the calories he ate in one meal and it came out to 5,000 calories. I don’t know how he isn’t 500 pounds, especially since he doesn’t exercise at all and thinks that walking from his car to class at community college is a workout. He drinks a 2 liter or more of coca cola every day. He also smokes lots and lots of cigarettes and has tried to quit them twice since I’ve been here, each time he goes insane from withdrawal and gets anxious and really horrible to be around. His dad had a heart attack at age 31. You think he would take better care of himself knowing that.

John likes to leave rotting meat and fruit out on the counter. He also leaves his dogs excrement on the floor of his room. One time his dog peed on his dress shoes. He left the shoes there for 2 weeks and threw his clean clothes on top of it. John cooks very frequently and never cleans up the messes he makes. He also eats his ear wax and boogers in front of me all the time. When his dog walks over to him he always grabs the dogs face to make sure he doesn’t have any dog zits or “eye boogies” and then proceeds to remove or pop any sort of anything on the poor dogs face. Also, He always tries to pick at me if I have even the slightest sign of a zit or blackhead. I always ask him to please not do that but he forgets. He also smokes cigarettes and weed near me even though I have repeatedly told him that the smoke builds up in my room. He acts surprised when I tell him even though I have told him a billion times already.

John constantly compares me to his ex girlfriend. I am 20. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink often. I clean up after him and myself.
She was a crackhead, a gold digger, and maybe a prostitute. Not to mention in her 30s. Shes addicted to pain pills and has two DUIs. I’ve never been in trouble with the law and never plan on it.
The reason he compares us is because for a while I asked him if he could be more affectionate with me.. because he will walk in a room and not even look at me.. and go to bed without saying goodnight.. and he doesn’t like to kiss.. and didn’t hold me. She complained about the same things. I feel sorry for her because I’m pretty sure Johns lack of emotion and negativity drove her to drugs.

You’d think I’d move out by now but I just moved out of my parents house. I’m in the process of finding a job and I just enrolled in school. Right now I can’t really afford to leave because even though John does all of those bad things, He also has enough money from his trust fund that he doesn’t care if I don’t pay rent and he buys groceries. I can’t wait until I do land a job. I am so outta here!!

He is napping right now and I heard him fart from across the house. HELP MEEEE.

MILK

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My roommate is crazy. I live with five other girls in an apartment. Four of which I get along with, besides her. She is super neurotic. She once misplaced something and right away she claims somebody stole it, only to find it a few minutes later.

Everybody but her willingly share everything. She doesn’t share ANYTHING, but will jump on anything we openly offer.

She recently started accusing somebody of drinking her milk. None of us have. One morning I woke up, went to the fridge to find this…

Her gallon of milk, written on with sharpie saying, ” Kelsey’s, DONT FUCKING TOUCH”.

- Erika

Living with a 5 Year Old…

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Well I’ve been living with 2 friends for about 3 months now. We are all guys and usually get along pretty well. We are not super clean by any means, but we are not messy and if something is left out we usually clean it up the next day, like I said typical guys. There has never been a problem with either of my roommates and if there is something bothering one of us we usually let each other know about it.

Well starting this week something has got my roommate, let’s call him “greg”. Greg decided to take the week off work. We have a small table in what you would call the diving room. We never use it because we usually eat in the living room in front of the TV. This table is usually used for mail or other misc things, keep in mind the table is against the wall and out of the way. Well starting this week “greg” has decided to take things that were on that table and put them random places like the floor, hallway, and couch. His reasoning behind this is because these things are in the way. The things in question are a cookie cake (the big round one), 2 completely empty pizza boxes, some hangars, and an iron.

Let’s see here, the cookie cake, which is covered has been there for 1 day and since it is so big I put it on the table, because there really isn’t any room for it in the kitchen. The 2 pizza boxes, which are my other roommates have NOTHING in them and are just sitting there and have only been there for 2 days max. The hangers are also my other roommates and he was rearranging his closet so he put the extra hangars out there. The iron was there because we usually use that table with a small ironing board to iron our shirts. Do you see a problem as to how these things are in the way? Me either, especially when “greg” never uses this table, the table is against the wall, and you can walk in to the living room without even seeing this table. So the next day I wake up and find the salt and pepper shakers and an oven glove in the hallway. These were sitting on the living room table since the night before…

I’m not sure what throwing this stuff on the floor or putting it on the couch really proves? It only makes our place look like a mess and if he wanted us to move the things he could have just asked. Instead he has to act like a little kid and throw things on the floor and move them around. Also just to mention he had a party and had a big folding table up with food on it. That table was up with food on it for over and week and all the dirty plates from the party sat beside the kitchen sink for over a week. His actions are quite hypocritical.

So after like 3 days of him moving things are me and my other roommate moving things back to the table he finally sends me a txt asking me if the cookie cake is mine. I say yes and he insists on telling me that the cookie cake should not be there and that he is going to put it in my room. I tell him that it can be on that table and it is not hurting anything or is in the way. He then says he is not trying to be a dick, so throwing things on the floor like a 5 year old instead of asking us to move things isn’t being a dick? I explain to him once again that the cookie cake isn’t in the way or hurting anyone and that I wouldn’t have a problem moving things if he would simply ask me about it instead of being immature and throwing things on the floor. Get flips out and said he has asked me to move things from the table, which he has never done once. He then says he shouldn’t have to clean up after us, which one he has NEVER done and two we are the ones that usually do the dishes and unload the dishwasher 90% of the time.

I just stop txting him after this and my roommate comes home and says he has left used cereal bowls all over the place, has smeared peanut butter on the kitchen counter, has spilled orange juice on the kitchen counter, left garbage out on the table in the living room, and opened every cabinet in the kitchen and left them open. Sounds pretty extreme right? Here are pics to prove it…

So me and my roommate don’t agree with him over the table and he acts out and does all that. What does that remind you of….a 5 year old! For the past 2 days he has continued to leave bowls all over the place, but he was the one complaining about keeping the place nice? Since then he also has intentionally been leaving all the lights on and my roommate who shares a bathroom with him said that he pissed all over the seat on purpose! I’ve seriously never met someone so immature! Me and my roommate both thing that he is some type of mental issue.

Living in the North Pole

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Ok, so i deceided to go with random selection for a roommate my first year, big mistake. They gave me this girl who seemed kinda normal…not even close.
We’ve lived together for a month, and the girl is a freak. She is OBSESSED with penguins. She has 47 stuffed and glass penguins all around the room..a penguin comforter…a penguin bathrobe…penguin POSTERS..and penguin slippers, they’re everywhere. Its seriously getting old, and her mom brings her more every week…

BUT not only is she a penguin freak, shes rudeeeeeee.

She drinks all my waters, uses all the ink in my printer (neither of which did she ask to use.)

AND she stays up every night until like 1am reading with all the lights on, which i really dont care about..but last night i was skyping with my friend who lives in south carolina, and its only like 11:30, she gets up and shuts the light off…like, im clearly friggan doing something bitchh.

The whole penguin thing is getting old, her mom brings her more every week…help.

Seabass’s Room Round 3!

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Well you know we would be back with another adventure into Seabass’s room. Recently he has managed to get a girlfriend….if you are asking how this is even possible with a room like his your guess is as good as mine. Apparently she likes sitting in a room all day that smells like a garbage can and has a mess everywhere! That’s all they do too, they come home and immediately go in his room. They eat in there, watch movies in there, do everything in there. I guess he found someone who likes to be completely anti-social like he is. One weekend when I was gone I noticed that my large folding table was missing. We usually use it for beer pong when we have parties etc. I open his door and there it is, apparently him and his girlfriend decided they wanted to play beer pong.

Once again they had to play beer pong in his room, they couldn’t use the huge living room where we normally play. I guess it’s fun to play in a cramped room that smells. I really don’t understand how people can be so anti-social like they are. Looking more into the room you can still see clothes everywhere. How can a female put up with this, let alone be in there all the time?

She gave him flowers a few weeks ago and he put them in this glass water pitcher I have. Yeah now there is fungus growing in there and there is stuff growing in the beer pong cups because they have not been thrown away or cleaned. Also you can see the table is now being used to put all his crap on. Who can live like this!?!?!?

- Bob

Most Disgusting Female Ever

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I was having trouble with my roommate, so when a friend of mine told me that her roommate was leaving school, I jumped on the opportunity to move in with my friend… this ended up being quite the bad decision. My new roommate is probably the most disgusting female of all man kind. Somehow, she has managed to be the messiest person and only be in the room about 5% of her time here at school. So I get to stare at the mess… and smell the smells… She has a fish tank which she hasn’t cleaned in about 3 months. And with it getting hotter… the tank has gotten smellier and smellier. I also noticed yesterday that algae has begun to grow up the sides of the tank. I know have shoved dryer sheets in every hole leading to the exterior to try and stop the smell. She has shoved all of her personal belongings in any place except put away. And when I ask her to clean, she tells me, “I will when I have time.” Yet I know she hasn’t been to class in about three weeks. I now hate her more than anyone.

- Maggie

Dirty Stove Bitch

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I hate my roommate! She’s a total drama queen and a complete dirty, nasty, lazy bitch! She never picks anything up, she complains about her boyfriend who she cheats on all the time, and she expects me to be her secretary, FUCK THAT! Also, her cooking and kitchen skills are atrocious. In fact, I’m done talking. Here’s a picture of this dirty bitch’s skills. Thanks for potentially losing our deposit!

Dirty Stove Bitch

Seabass’s Room Round 2

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I’m sure you all remember the story of Seabass’s from a few weeks ago….if not you can check out the story here. Since that time Seabass has done some “upgrades” to his room. As always it is a complete mess. I’m not sure how he can find anything in that room, not to mention live in it. Every time you walk past the room it makes you want to gag. I swear there has to be some kind of fungus living in there! Anyway’s on to these upgrades….it seems instead of using our nice big living room to eat in he has decided to use 2 boxes in his room as tables to eat on. Check out the pictures below.

So apparently it is more comfortable to sit on the ground in his nasty smelling room then using the huge living room that DOES NOT smell at all. Also as you can see from the pictures there is a ton of old food laying out and of course pizza boxes. Not sure how anyone can live like this, but after seeing some of the other posts on this site I don’t think seabass is alone. I just don’t understand how someone can spend all day in the room with the smell! Anyway’s I’ll keep everyone updated on the bio-hazard that is Seabass’s room!

- Bob

The Mortgage Helper

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For the last year or so, I’ve been renting out the spare bedroom in the house to a mortgage helper. What is a Mortgage helper? In a nutshell, it is someone that is a welcomed guest as long as that person is helping with the mortgage by paying the rent you lay down.

Anyway, this mortgage helper has been living in the spare bedroom. In many respects, he has been the perfect roommate because he never comes out of his room. He has some sort of disorder that we weren’t aware of that makes him unmotivated (*COUGH* Lazy Ass!) and so he doesn’t work. In fact, he’s a burden on our health care system right now because he would rather sit around in his underwear and play games all day, and he gets paid by the government! Show me some of that type of government assistance! In fact, his first couple of months with us, he was working for a parking company. Because he never went to work, they canned him. He’d drive home during his shift, go play games and fall asleep, not returning to work.

His parents would try to take his computer away to try to get him riled up enough to do something about his situation. Since he’s not motivated enough to do anything about it, they gave it back. I feel sorry for his parents.

His hygiene is non existant. He showers twice a month, does laundry once a month, and doesn’t even own a toothbrush. I know this because he had a social worker come by one day, and the social worker asked if he was going to brush his teeth. He mumbled something that eventually resembled no. Can’t brush your teeth without a tooth brush!

His life can be summed up pretty much like this: Eat, shit, sleep, play games, repeat. This is evident by the condition of his dwelling. It’s no longer a room. Dwelling seems appropriate as per the picture. To my recollection, none of the bed coverings have ever been washed. You can tell. They are now part of the bed, fused to it. Also, last time I checked, waffles should be stored in the freezer as they are a frozen food. I remember these being there for days. He’s so unmotivated that when his parents bring him groceries, he’s too lazy to put them away.

At one point, he was going through one roll of toilet paper a day. I had to stop buying it. I had to hide it. He went for a week without a roll. It stunk so bad, his parents had to buy him some. That’s beyond lazy!

So although it was nice having some extra cash every month, it’s not worth having a sesspool of germs and bacteria festering in my house at any price. I don’t want to be responsible for keeping a burden on our already overburdened healthcare system in my house. Though I feel sorry for him, it’s time that he learned to endure the real world. If he’d been a real roommate, he wouldn’t be real quick. On April 30th, he’s gone forever! I just hope he’s motivated enough to get his ass out of the room ontime because the Junk Removers are coming in the same day and they probably won’t be able to tell the difference between his room and the crap they pick up on the job.

- Stephen