Category Archives: Nasty

A Lesbian Roommate Story

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This one’s an oldie but a goodie. It’s absolutely nauseating. An open letter to a former roommate. Here goes:

Hey asshole,

I guess what I’d really like to know is if you’re proud of yourself now. It’s true, I was in denial about how bizarrely fixated you really were with me in high school. Following me to college was the next logical step wasn’t it?

I told you that all I could be was a friend to you. I ignored the red flags because I was silly enough to believe that you would grow the hell up and act like an adult if we were roommates. Yeah, that’s right…ROOMMATES. Okay? We were not lovers. And we weren’t “shacking up” or “playing house” or whatever you think it was.

See, here’s the problem, bitch. I’m straight. I was straight then and I’m straight now. I didn’t want to “give it a chance” or discover the joys of lesbianism with you. Rubbing up against me or slobbering on me wasn’t going to change my mind either. Your breath was really revolting by the way. Got it? And no, I’m not a bigot. I’m just NOT GAY. I don’t think you wanted a real relationship with anyone in any case. A sex doll would work better for you. It has no opinions, never says no and doesn’t care one way or the other about what you do to it.

Your friends were…interesting to say the least. Did you have any that were normal? Any that weren’t immature, emotionally violent or furries in training?

Also, I wasn’t crazy about the clogged toilet. Flushing your tampons down the toilet and clogging up the pipes repeatedly should have clued you in. Why couldn’t you just put them in a trash bag and take them down to the dumpster? And no, I wasn’t interested in picking up your bits of pubic hair lying in the shower drain either.

Here’s the bottom line: agreeing to be your roommate was probably one of the worst choices I ever made, with disastrous long reaching consequences. And I sincerely hope I never see you or hear from you ever again.

I’m beginning to hate you…

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I am not a perfect roommate, and no one is. My biggest roommate fault is that i have medium length hair, and it makes a mess in the shower. I clean most of it, yet I always manage to leave a few behind.

There are three of us living here. One of my roommates is a really relaxed guy. We have become rather good friends which is surprising, since I did not know him before moving to this apartment. I have no problems with him. My other roommate I have known for years. We were never that good of friends during high school, and now, I kind of despise him. Here is a list of why I loathe you:

1) I let you borrow a pair of my shoes, and you still have them. You wear them all of the time. It has been at least six months. I want them back.

2) You are constantly smoking. You tell me how healthy you are trying to be, yet you keep smoking and smoking. This is fine with me. I don’t care if you smoke, but do you have to do it in your room? This is a no smoking apartment.

3) You seem to disdain me for having friends. I’m not sure why. Maybe, it is because you have lived here a year longer than I, but the only people you hang out with are guys that want you to give them a blowjob.

4) In reference to number three, I have no problem with you being a homosexual. That has never caused a divide between us. I, however, do not need to hear about every guy you chat with on your gay-hookup sites. It always ends the same. They come over at three in the morning, you sleep with them, and they never call you back.

5) You always come into my room crying, telling me how depressed you are. I don’t care. That may be cold, but I really don’t. You whine that no one likes you. Maybe it’s your whiny attitude or your ridiculous Vegeeta-esque hair line.

6) You are not depressed. No matter how much you would like to be, you are not. Depression cannot be cured by having your mother by you something shiny and expensive, but whatever you have seemingly can be cured by the aforementioned shiny objects.

7) Yesterday, I was writing, and you came home and announced that the two of us were going to clean the apartment. I told you that I was not going to today because I was busy. This catapulted you into a passive-aggressive fit. You cleaned the apartment, and you did your first load of dishes in weeks. Then, you hid your dishes in your room, so I could not use them (admittedly, most of the dishes in the apartment are yours).

8) I find number seven to be rather humorous, for the week prior, I stopped studying for my finals to drive forty minutes away with you, so you could get a twenty minute notification HIV test. This was ridiculous. Two days before that I had already went with you to the local HIV clinic, but I guess the week and half wait for results was too much for you to handle.

9) Stop telling my how much weight you are losing. You are 5’9″ and you weigh 140 lbs. Losing that extra five pounds will not make you any more attractive or make guys like you more. It is getting ridiculous.

10) Lastly, just calm down. Every bump in the road is no reason to have a fit. Grow up.

I feel better now. I hate myself. I can’t believe I was foolish enough to sign a lease with you for next year. What was I thinking? Kill me…

TAKE A SHOWER. DO SOME LAUNDRY. VACUUM THE FLOOR.

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My roommates bedroom is disgusting. They have dirty dishes, old food, opened canned food, garbage, dirty diapers, old moldy baby bottles, and puke rags everywhere. Not to mention the dirty clothes piled up. I saw a pair of her underwear with a dirty pad stuck to it the other day. These people are ridiculous. They don’t vacuum, EVER. They don’t put the dishes in the sink, they don’t do laundry, and they don’t THROW AWAY GARBAGE AT ALL.

I really wouldn’t care if it weren’t for the smell. To get to me bedroom, I have to walk past theirs. It smells rotten. I don’t know how they can live in it. The dirty laundry alone smells like death.

It’s starting to get bad though. There’s a decent sized pile of dirty clothes OUTSIDE their bedroom door. Across the hall from their bedroom door is their bathroom. Garbage piled two feet high off the counter and on the floor behind the toilet. Dirty pads and tampons just sitting in a clear garbage bag on the floor. The smell is worse than the bedroom.

To make things 10 times worse.. Their baby is only three months old. They have HIM living like that and it isn’t acceptable. I mean, I have him most of the time just because they’re lazy, and pathetic… but really. I’m the only person who cleans the kitchen.. and the only room that actually smells GOOD in this house is mine. Thank god my bathroom is attached only to my bedroom. I don’t like to be in any other room of the house but my own.

I can’t take this much longer.

3 Annoying Chinese Roommates

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I attend Eastern New Mexico University in Portales, NM. It is a rather small school located in a VERY rural area and it has around 5,000 students. I live in one of the university apartment complexes. Last fall I didn’t have any roommates. I don’t really understand that because I live in a 4 bedroom apartment.

In January, a Chinese guy moved into my apartment. There are several hundred people from China that go to school here. I don’t understand why they come to rural New Mexico but they do. This guy said he had been removed from his previous apartment building and had to move into my apartment. He told me he had been caught drinking and smoking several times. At first I didn’t mind him, but after a while he got to be really annoying. He brought in a lot of groceries. He filled up 4 cabinets full of food. He started leaving disgusting messes in the kitchen. The most annoying thing was that he would turn the thermostat up to 80 degrees at night. Luckily he left the thermostat alone after I spoke to him about it.

I thought things were getting better. Two more Chinese guys moved in a few weeks later. These guys had been removed from their old apartment for violations as well. Luckily the two new guys do not cook in the apartment. Their girlfriends do all the cooking for them. Unfortunately the battle for control of the thermostat started again. I do understand that it does get cool at night in New Mexico, but these guys would leave the thermostat set on 75, 80, and 90 degrees. The highest it goes is 90.

Another annoying thing that they do is frequently leave the front door ajar. I left a note for them and asked them to shut the door all the way but I don’t know if they understood it. I think these guys failed the TOEFL exam.

One of the guys lets his girlfriend live with him, which is against university policy. One night I heard some banging noises and yelling. Then I heard some crying coming from one of the rooms. I thought he might be beating his girlfriend so I called the Resident Assistant and he sent over the Housing Director. The Housing Director had to unlock the guy’s door and separate them. Then he called the police. The policeman talked to him for about and hour and told him that false imprisonment is a crime. Apparently his girlfriend didn’t press charges and nothing ever happened to that guy. The Housing Director said there would be university punishment but he still lives here.

The things that they cook are so nasty. They frequently leave meat out on the kitchen counter for several hours. One time it was squid. One time it was beef tongue. Another time it was a rack of lamb. Every time this guy cooks it stinks up the apartment. I bought air fresheners to try to combat the smell but they don’t really do much.

The roommate who lives on my side of the apartment is the worst one. He came home drunk one night at about 3:00 am. He was singing so loudly I could hear it through my door. He got up several times to use the bathroom. When I woke up in the morning I found urine in my waste basket… I was so upset when that happened. This guy never turns on the vent fan when he takes dumps. He has the nastiest smelling dumps… I have to turn on the vent fan after he gets out of the bathroom and open the windows.

Another annoying habit that they have is leaving lights on. They never turn lights off in the apartment. I guess they just don’t care about wasting energy. They also never take out the garbage. I always take it out. They don’t even offer to buy trash bags. I supply all of the trash bags. I also supply all of the toilet paper for the bathroom on my side of the apartment. They never clean up the messes that they make.

Frequently they have their Chinese friends come over. I don’t know what all they do, but I thought I smelled marijuana coming from one room one night.

I don’t know if any of you are having the same problem. I guess these particular Chinese people come from Sichuan Province. They seem to have a lot of money. They have their own cars and have some really nice things. I really hope I don’t get any Chinese roommates next year…

Noisy, Stinky, Creepy – you do the math

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Apparently doesn’t have the courtesy to masturbate when I’m not in the room. Instead, they find it optimal to masturbate at night when I’m trying to f*cking sleep. Boy, I sure do love trying to rest while the bed is shaking and I’m hearing wet, moaning noises that give me goosebumps from down below.

On a good day, with the window open, the room smells like a dog shelter.

Does not wash their jaundiced, rancid bedsheets. An unpardonable sin.

Walks around the bathroom barefooted, and then walks around the room barefooted. (Let’s drag whatever shit is floating around there back to our room! Woohoo!) It f*cking sounds like a dying fish flopping around crazily every time they walk around the room barefooted.

Leaves what looks like flakes, dead skin, hair and dirt all over the ground. Never sweeps these up. (I do.)

Lacks the common sense to wipe their goddamn shoes after treading in the snow and mud all day before entering the room.

I at least have the courtesy not to turn on the main light to the room–which are bright as f*ck and ring loudly–when coming home late. Unfortunately I, who sleeps on the top bunk and not even two feet away from the main light, have to be subjected to the lights being turned on when they come home late… when the goddamn desk lamps–which provide enough light with minimum noise and minimum insane brightness that not even the bedsheets can mask–are right… f*cking… there.

Makes f*cked-up Hannibal Lecter-type sucking noises in the morning.

Takes way too long to get ready in the morning. Over a f*cking hour. Always has to make their morning drink (every–f*cking–day) as loudly as possible: slamming the microwave door, spoons smacking against the glass and loud, painfully, hair-raisingly loud GULPING noises when consuming said morning drink.

Never helps keeping the room clean. (Me, I sweep the floor, mop the floor, wipe down everything that is touched by human hands with disinfectant wipes, etc.)

Giggles and rants breathlessly to themselves. High-pitched whispers about god knows what and crazy-ass moaning noises. Sounds creepy as hell, like f*cking Pazuzu from The Exorcist.

Cannot put their stinkbomb shoes in the closet after use. Seriously, after taking off their shoes, the whole place instantly smells acutely like a sewer. I have put down a lot of money in air freshener products and sprays.

Puts said shoes by the fridge.

Every night has to make sure their drawers and the door is locked by pulling on the handles incessantly and making loud banging noises.

Snores so badly. I’ve heard them all: Vader-like snores, guttural snores, weezing snores, etc. There are nights when I can’t even sleep.

I can’t wait to go home.

BUT BUT BUT…

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I met my current roommate at a job that we both held, I lost my job not long after I started there, she lost hers like 2 months ago, now she signed into an agreement saying that on or before the first of every month, she would pay said amount…was fine till she lost her job, then she failed to start paying the rent after the next month came around she was served with a very nice 30 day notice to pay the past due rent…yet another month has come and gone and I have informed her that on the first of the month she will be served with a 3 day notice of eviction by the county sheriff, but she was not to happy about that, she told me she has a job interview and I still told her I’m sorry we don’t have the faith that you will pay us the past due rent base on the fact fact she cant even pay for a 3 dollar shower curtain that was to be bought when she moved in 6 or so months ago. she will not clean the area that she is inhabiting NASTY, has not bought one roll of toilet paper, NASTY, does not help with any dishes, trash are anything else, so my big deal is she is trying to guilt trip me and my husband into feeling bad about the eviction, but I don’t feel bad nor should I feel bad, she is the one who can pay two months of her cell phone, food, smokes, and fast food……………………GET OUT NOW!!

Hamster Poop

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This week I had to remind my flatmate to clean out her hamster cage, I had already fed and watered him myself, he hadn’t been seen for quite some time and I actually thought he might be dead or moved out due to the stink.

So she starts to clear it out after seeming a bit pissed off, she used her bare hands to empty the sodden, stinky, poop filled cage filling (I don’t know what it is I don’t care, it looks like wood shavings or torn up paper)

she then put the parts of the cage, which come off on top of the cooker, I’ve seen the hamster piss indiscriminately, on these parts which have no sort of bedding, that was the first part that made me feel sick.

Then she went on to clean these bits in the kitchen sink with the clean dishes on the side. I could get over that, if an hour later when I went back in to the kitchen and looked in the sink, to see that she hadn’t bothered the rinse the sink of the poop, let alone use any kind of disinfectant!!! if that wasn’t bad enough, she just put any dirty pots back in to the sink on top of this.

All of this and only last week she found out she had an e.coli infection when she though she had cystitis, it all makes sense now. But I cant understand how a 21 year old wouldn’t know that this is NOT OK!

Singing, Scarfing and Smelling

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So my roommate this year is one of my good friends. I should say was, it has been 3 months of living together and I am confident that extreme amount of annoying behavior has put me over the edge. I am on the verge of murder. Problems that have added up to equal my hate?

1. Singing and music. I, like any normal person like music. I enjoy almost anythings. I have even come to like some songs from Glee which are her favorite. However, last week for example, I had to listen to the Glee version of singing in the rain 6 times in a row, over and over she would play this song it drove me crazy. Then started the singing…She is not bad but is it really necessary to sing as much as she does. I here her sh*t music all day everyday, it never stops. I ask her to use headphones but she does not and when me and my other roommates make fun of her for her horrible taste she literally cries.

2. She eats everything she can get her grubby hands on. Literally. We can’t grocery shop as a room cause the chips or cookies or salsa we all go in on are gone within a week if that. She ate entire bow of oreos in one day. ONE DAY! and my soy milk is constantly being depleted. just go buy your own damn milk.

3. Hygiene. Not only does this bitch hardly ever shower but has no started to use my things. She has broken half the bristles on my brush running it through her nasty, knotted hair. Also, cleans her pussing ingrown toenail with my stuff!!!! like my neosporin gets her gross all over it.

4. Crying. Everything I say or do that is a joke results in a bitchy tone or a tear fest. Normal jokes between people can’t happen with this thing.

5. Walking around in your underwear. Yes me and my room mates have no problem with that. In fact its fine be me however she is about 200 pounds of woman and nobody wants to see that in a pair of granny panties sprinting around the room. Please, thats just gross.

6. Bedtime at nine o clock, I’m in college. Nuff said.

Disgusting Roomie

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My roomie of around a year was intolerable. Due to student housing we had to share a large room, and a bathroom. This girl used the same towels the entire YEAR without washing them, used a sleeping bag on top of her mattress which went unwashed the entire year. The only things she washed were her body and her clothes, which didn’t help with the overwhelming scent in the room.

She ate 99 cent TV dinners which made the entire apartment smell like horrid, overcooked slop, and never cleaned a bit until we got her off her Xbox and screamed at her to clean. But the worst by far was about a week before she moved out. She had stashed every single dirty tampon and pad from the last three months underneath the sink in our bathroom….behind an EMPTY trash can! The blood stuck to the cabinets and stunk like something had died in our bathroom! No wonder I had been taking too many showers recently, I thought it was ME who was stinking up the bathroom. No, it was my filthy, disgusting roomie.

Amanda, I hope you rot in hell for making me go through a year of your uncleanliness.

Can you die from inhaling mold?

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Dear Disgusting Roommate,

I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. The dirty dishes in the sink have been there for 5 DAYS. It’s so full and so disgusting that I can’t even access the sink for a glass of water. Cooking is out of the question because there are no pots or pans left. IT SMELLS F#*$*@ TERRIBLE, and there is MOLD all over the place in there. Oh yeah, and thanks for asking me if your complete waste of life boyfriend could also live with us. Instead you just moved him in and now I have to deal with his terrible attitude, laziness, smoking pot, drinking every night, and treating you (and me) like shit all the time. Thanks a lot. I’m confined to my room now because I can’t stand to listen to you and him talk, and I can’t stand the S*$& HOLE the apartment has become. Two more F$*#*! months and I’m out of here. Hope you have a nice life, I’m fairly positive you’ll end up living in a trailer and missing teeth. I’m ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that will happen if you marry your current boyfriend.

Sincerely,
Your very pissed off Roommate