FMR - Fuck My Rommates

Here's the situation: I live in a house with a bunch a shit heads. As a whole, they are dirty ass hippies who suck at life. I should have never moved into a house with these degenerates. They are filthy, stupid, yet see themselves as "progressive" for being dirty fucking

I fucking can't stand this selfish pice of crap

So, I have been roomming w/ a friend of mine from college for one month because I just moved to the City. She is so selfish, moody, argumentative, and seems to be lacking decent human courtesy. First of all, this is NYC, so the walls are paper thin, I can hear every noise

Cheap and Lazy

I knew you were a strange person going into this. We were friends in high school, and you had strange habits. You only wore black because you had social anxiety and apparently if you wore colors, you would be noticed (never mind that you were known school-wide as the

Stop using MY PlayStation 3

Look, I understand you're bored, you're stir crazy. But...you have an android smart phone, you have DVD's galore, a TV in YOUR room, a Super Nintendo, a Nintendo 64, and a gaming computer. You waltz into MY room whenever you feel like it, to play MY PlayStation 3 that I

Freeloading

You two have made me angry since I moved in, and I've said nothing. You eat my food without telling me, you drink my beer, you have the SAME SHIT in the freezer you did a year ago! Why the fuck do you think its OK to take up 95% of the freezer space when two other people also

Mess

Stupid, drunk hot mess

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Drugs, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Mess, Nasty, Noise | Leave a comment

My roommate was new for the Fall semester. This was her 3rd college. The last one she was in, someplace in Florida, she had gotten a full ride to for playing volleyball, but lost it because she got caught drinking and her mommy and daddy couldn’t pay for it anymore. The first time I met her, I came back from somewhere and she was already getting ready to go out and her friend was using our shower, something that she didn’t even ask me if it was okay. Then a knock came on the door and a whole parade of obnoxious freshmen came in (I could tell they were freshmen because they were waaaay too dressed up to go out). Now, don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with her going out on the weekends to party or getting ready in our room, but just ask first before letting someone I don’t even know use our shower. But I then turn around and see she has a bunch of huge bottles of Vlad vodka in her hand and she’s mixing it with Gatorade and Turkey Hill tea and giving it to the freshmen. As someone who is only 20 and an education major, I can’t get caught with alcohol (which, even if you AREN’T an education major, most people know). Needless to say I was pissed. But oh no, that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. The following weekend I went back home to work. When I came back to school on Sunday afternoon, there were empty pizza boxes thrown on MY BED and other crap tossed on MY DESK. She had also been caught earlier that weekend smoking weed in our FUCKING ROOM. Seriously, we LIVE ON CAMPUS. If you’re gonna smoke weed, go somewhere else and do it. She also left our bathroom a complete mess and threw her dirty nasty towels on the floor. When I confronted her about the alcohol privately (and when she was actually SOBER for once), she promised me she’d get rid of it. She never did. Now, I’m not a tattletale, I’m really not. But when it comes to MY education and MY future that is coming out of MY pocket, that’s when I get pissed. I went to the housing director and told her, who met with my room mate and told her to get rid of the alcohol. My room mate (who we will call “ginger bitch”), was apparently “so sorry” and would get rid of it “right away.” Nope, she didn’t. And, she never DID apologize to me, she just ignored me and pouted. Then when I would either be trying to sleep or study, she would make a point of blaring her loud music or inviting her friends over, one of which CLIPPED HER TOENAILS NEXT TO MY TOOTHBRUSH. I was at the end of my rope the night that happened, but more so when ginger bitch came back after partying and was so intoxicated that 2 big guys had to hold her up. She came falling back into the room calling me a “bitch” and a “c**t” and threatening to kill me. At that point I was done. I called the campus police, but sadly she got away before they could find her. I later found out that she had alcohol poisoning that night and had to be rushed to the hospital. I honestly wish they would have just let her die. Oh, and the housing department? Didn’t do a damn thing until I had sent almost 3 different emails to them complaining about her and how awful she was. Their response? it would take a whole FUCKING MONTH to get her ass evicted. It was either that or I’d be the one to have to move out, even though I didn’t do a DAMN THING WRONG. Eventually, though, she decided to move out on her own and live with a bunch of her party slut friends. A few months later, I heard through some people who went to high school with her that she spent most of her time when she lived with me bitching about what a “little snob” I was and “how weird I am; all she does is study!” Bitch, it’s COLLEGE. Grow the fuck up!!

Sincerely, a pissed off Elementary Ed. major

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Passive Agressive Much

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Lazy, Mess, Noise | Leave a comment

Seriously. If you’ve got a problem with something, say it. Don’t just walk around sighing all the time – that won’t get anything accomplished.

And I mean really, is it that hard to say “hi” every now or then. You know, I tried, way back at the beginning of first semester. I’d walk in, say “Hey!” What would I get back. A blank stare over the edge of your computer. The few times that I seemed to catch you off guard (yeah, remember person who sleeps in the room too, who showers there, keeps her clothes there, well she has to come back to the room every now and then too) you would let out a small “hi.” then go immediately back to your computer or textbooks. So, sorry I don’t talk to you anymore, but if you never reply, why bother?

And I understand, you are taking one of the hardest majors offered at our school and you’re going into some really technical science program, and us liberal arts majors just don’t understand the difficulties you face in your studies. We should just accept that all those difficulties make you very exhausted and need to nap almost every afternoon. But you see, that’s interesting, because while I am a liberal arts major, I have less time in my day to spend studying because I am actually involved in on campus organizations that take up 20+ hours of my week in addition to my class hours. Yet your 15 or 17 or so so class hours, plus however many study hours that EVERYONE puts into classes is somehow just so much more exhausting. Yup I get it. You need to sleep. By all means. It’s not like it’s interfering with any of my work that I have to do.

Oh, wait, it is. See you taking the room for your daily several hour naps would not be a problem, because there’s this awesome table out in the common area of our suite that we can all use. Oh, wait. You put all your shit on it. Your laptop and all your science textbooks, your note cards and writing utensils, your purse and your book bag, your coffee maker and practically everything else you have. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes we leave our stuff in the common area where we all spend time and need the space because sometimes we have to practices and performances on time, but it’s always understood that after a day or two, those things would be cleaned up and everyone can now use the space again. Oh, wait. You aren’t involved in ANYTHING! Getting into our room for those naps is just so important you have to leave all your shit there on the table so no one else can use it because you could never be late for that ever important nap. Right.

So excuse me when I’m not happy about coming back to my dorm after classes, with only three hours to finish my homework before going to a four hour practice, and finding my door shut because you need your nap. Again.

Because, really, I’m obviously the one who is inconveniencing you, coming into our room and getting my homework and laptop, interrupting your nap, so that I can take them out to the coffee table and sit on the floor and hope to finish my homework before practice. I really don’t mind that you huff when I walk in and toss over because I’m making small noises by getting my books out of my desk. Really, don’t mind at all. Cuz, you were obviously asleep already anyway – not.

Look, I get it, I haven’t been the most considerate roommate in the world, but face it bitch, neither have you. Stop acting like you’re a princess and your mommy’s here to look after you. Hope scientists get daily siestas in their labs, because the real world’s gonna be quite a shocker if not.

Fuck off, Bitch.

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It’s me, not you.

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Mess | Leave a comment

Dear Cousin/ roomie..

You are a selfish whore that does nnnoothhhinnngg wrong whatsoever. I “never clean up after myself” and “leave the door open” allll the time. Yeah right! I thought we were such great friends, cousins.. but I realized you are just a vindictive psychotic control freak. It is funny how your best friend and her boyfriend move in and don’t pay rent and get the room I was supposed to be renting and I get the lovely couch. You complain about the times I leave clothes on the floor in your room.. we share a closet and we’re supposed to be sharing a room. However you are with a different guy every night and I would prefer to not to sleep on those sheets. Thanks.

I love the clothes, shoes, boxes, water bottles, and stuff all over your floor.. but god forbid I leave one fucking shirt because I am up at 7am to go to work and in a rush. Also, I do dishes, clean, take out trash, and buy food for everyone. But you bitch about one little cup. Really dude? Really? Oh wow, you are mad because I didn’t wash the pan from the leftover food I made for you and your friends.. How about the 12 cups I washed from the party you threw? I sincerely wonder how long the boxes from the shelves that I bought or the 3 bags of trash I took out would have sat there.

Oh by the way, I want to beat the shit out of you for telling me how your friend is going to be moving in as well until he gets a job. What are we, a homeless shelter? Stop letting everyone live with us. I hate you so much. I hate that I signed a 1 year lease.. I have 11 more months of this bullshit before I can tell you to fuck off.. We got this place specifically because YOU had to have YOUR annoying ass pitbull there and 9days later you have to get rid of him because he bites you. I moved miles away from my job because you needed to be closer to yours, but I take the bus you bitch.. Now it takes me 1.5 hours to get to work and you 10 minutes.

You are a selfish bitch and need to choke on a fat dick. I hate you from the bottom of my heart. Looks like blood isn’t thicker than water in this family. I hope you get aids and die. I wouldn’t hate you so much if you could at least man up and take responsibility for your mistakes instead of blaming them on me. Sincerely, your no longer my “partner in crime” and just my frenemy.

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To the dumb bitch whore I live with….

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Mess, Weird | 1 Comment

Dear Roommate,

When you first moved in, I thought you were alright. You didn’t use my stuff, you paid bills on time without me asking, and you didn’t leave your shit all over the house. Then something happened……we ran out of toilet paper. So I went to the store and bought some. Then we ran out of tissues. So I went to the store and bought some. Then we ran out of dish soap…..are you seeing a pattern here? Do you remember the last time we ran out of toilet paper? Do you remember how it never got replaced? Well bitch, that’s because I bought my own toilet paper, and tissues, and dish soap, and paper towels, and everything else we mutually use and am keeping it in my room. You know why? Because I’m not your fucking mommy and I shouldn’t have to tell you, “Hey bitch we need more fucking toilet paper and you never fucking buy any so do it now or you will be wiping your ass with your own hand.” Oh, don’t think I didn’t notice that you went to the store 2 days after we ran out of toilet paper and you didn’t buy any fucking toilet paper. You just opened up a box of MY Kleenex and used that instead didn’t you, you fucking dumb piece of shit.

You know what else I just love about you? When you wash only your own dishes and then start the dishwasher with literally 5 things in it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I do your dishes all the time, it doesn’t bother me because it takes less than 5 fucking minutes to get them ALL done. Why would you ever start the dishwasher with dishes still in the sink you dirty lot lizard?

CLEAN THE FUCKING BATHROOM. Clean something you dumb cunt. Again, I’m not your mommy! I should not have to clean up after you. At least take out the fucking trash! I was gone a whole week and you did not take out the fucking trash! You better work on cleaning your shit pile of a room too because I’m already working on getting a different roommate.

By the way, your boyfriend is NOT going to move here and live with you. It’s not going to happen so stop skyping him to talk about it because he DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT. I usually don’t get involved or give advice to people about relationships but you are a fucking idiot. He hasn’t visited you once….he isn’t in school, doesn’t have a full time job, and hasn’t made any kind of effort to see you. Bagged yourself a real winner didn’t you cuntbag!

In closing, I would really appreciate it if you continued to hibernate in your room and just stay out of my face in general. I hope when you go back home next month you find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you.

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You suck at everything.

Posted on by admin Posted in Angry, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Mess | Leave a comment

Dear Roommates:
First of all, I’d like to state that this is a 2 bedroom apartment, and if your girlfriend suddenly decided 6 months ago that she’d be living here, bitch better start paying up for rent and utilities. If I wanted to live in a 3 bedroom place for cheaper rent, I would have. Bills are higher every month since she started staying here, so that’s pretty fucked up. Especially since she only has class about 2 hours a day, she spends the rest of the day hidden in the apartment using up power.

Also, since when is it necessary to download EVERY FUCKING MOVIE in human history? You both are constantly downloading shit, whether or not you’re in the apartment. It makes the internet useless for anyone who’s actually trying to be productive. I’m guilty of download files too, but at least I have the decency to only do it overnight. Seriously, fuck you.

Another thing, how the fuck are either of you still alive with the amount of soda you drink? All I hear from early morning to late at night is the sound of soda cans being opened. And then you fucking leave them stacked up near the fridge, which eventually leads to an army of ants invading the kitchen. I don’t give a FUCK if you want to save them for recycling money.

Lastly, how FUCKING AWKWARD can you get? We’ve been living together for nearly 2 years and you’ve never been able to maintain a normal conversation lasting longer than 5 sentences. When you first moved here I was stoked and excited to get to know you and show you around town, but you never showed any social development. I don’t care that you’re quiet, I actually prefer a quiet roommate, but not so quiet that you look down at your feet anytime that we see each other in the apartment, not so quiet that you’ve never asked me once what’s going on in my life, while I’m constantly asking you how work and school are going….with which you always respond with just, “good.”

Seriously, I cannot wait for you to move out. I haven’t had friends come over to hang out because you fucking ruin any present energy. I’m constantly scanning the parking lot to see if your car is there and hesitate to enter the apt or just go for a walk in hopes that you’ll be gone by the time I return.

Please, PLEASE move out soon and far, FAR away from here.

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