Category Archives: Mess

GOD HELP ME :(

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I was once a very content girl who owned a house with her boyfriend of two years. Yes, we got behind on a few bills, but we ate canned food and made due. It just so happened that your boyfriend broke up with you, you didnt want to move back home after college, and you were a friend of mine who had ignored me since you got the boyfriend who just dumped you, but why not let you move in, help with bills, and rekindle our friendship? How bad can it be? HAHA! I dont know if you realize this, but we have payed a 650 dollar deposit, a 400 pet deposit for our two potty trained dogs, and furnished everything in this house from the washer and dryer you use to the bed you sleep in and dresser you fill your clothes with. We have put thousands of dollars into this house, so your third of rent here DOES NOT even give you the right to disrespect us like you do.

You leave lights on, you run a load of laundry for one shirt, the only thing you (or should I say your dads credit card) has bought for this house is a bottle of dishsoap and one role of toilet paper in the past four months. Everything else you think youre entitled to…which would be fine…were sharing people. IF you did not act like a spoiled selfish brat. You have never swept or mopped our floor, you have washed one load of dishes, but you say thats ok because you put them away when theyre dry. You have had your parents over to stay the night here 4 times and we dont even have a spare bedroom since youre LIVING in it! You have never taken out the trash and youve been asked to when you overflow it. We try so hard to be courteous to you and make you comfortable and you are so unappreciative. SO you bought an 8 week old puppy who has been shitting and pissing on our floor for the past week. The last I check you did not pay the pet deposit that we will probably not get back. As I speak you are napping in the bed we bought with your MOM who is here for three days while I am babysitting a little boy AND your untrained puppy while your ass is HERE. GOOD GOD. Youve been apartment searching and now youve found one THANK GOD but have asked for half of this months rent back. You never say please, thanks, or excuse me. Im so sorry that you will have to learn responsibility the hard the way, but most of all I feel sorry for your puppy when your childish ass is out of here.

I’m beginning to hate you…

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I am not a perfect roommate, and no one is. My biggest roommate fault is that i have medium length hair, and it makes a mess in the shower. I clean most of it, yet I always manage to leave a few behind.

There are three of us living here. One of my roommates is a really relaxed guy. We have become rather good friends which is surprising, since I did not know him before moving to this apartment. I have no problems with him. My other roommate I have known for years. We were never that good of friends during high school, and now, I kind of despise him. Here is a list of why I loathe you:

1) I let you borrow a pair of my shoes, and you still have them. You wear them all of the time. It has been at least six months. I want them back.

2) You are constantly smoking. You tell me how healthy you are trying to be, yet you keep smoking and smoking. This is fine with me. I don’t care if you smoke, but do you have to do it in your room? This is a no smoking apartment.

3) You seem to disdain me for having friends. I’m not sure why. Maybe, it is because you have lived here a year longer than I, but the only people you hang out with are guys that want you to give them a blowjob.

4) In reference to number three, I have no problem with you being a homosexual. That has never caused a divide between us. I, however, do not need to hear about every guy you chat with on your gay-hookup sites. It always ends the same. They come over at three in the morning, you sleep with them, and they never call you back.

5) You always come into my room crying, telling me how depressed you are. I don’t care. That may be cold, but I really don’t. You whine that no one likes you. Maybe it’s your whiny attitude or your ridiculous Vegeeta-esque hair line.

6) You are not depressed. No matter how much you would like to be, you are not. Depression cannot be cured by having your mother by you something shiny and expensive, but whatever you have seemingly can be cured by the aforementioned shiny objects.

7) Yesterday, I was writing, and you came home and announced that the two of us were going to clean the apartment. I told you that I was not going to today because I was busy. This catapulted you into a passive-aggressive fit. You cleaned the apartment, and you did your first load of dishes in weeks. Then, you hid your dishes in your room, so I could not use them (admittedly, most of the dishes in the apartment are yours).

8) I find number seven to be rather humorous, for the week prior, I stopped studying for my finals to drive forty minutes away with you, so you could get a twenty minute notification HIV test. This was ridiculous. Two days before that I had already went with you to the local HIV clinic, but I guess the week and half wait for results was too much for you to handle.

9) Stop telling my how much weight you are losing. You are 5’9″ and you weigh 140 lbs. Losing that extra five pounds will not make you any more attractive or make guys like you more. It is getting ridiculous.

10) Lastly, just calm down. Every bump in the road is no reason to have a fit. Grow up.

I feel better now. I hate myself. I can’t believe I was foolish enough to sign a lease with you for next year. What was I thinking? Kill me…

TAKE A SHOWER. DO SOME LAUNDRY. VACUUM THE FLOOR.

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My roommates bedroom is disgusting. They have dirty dishes, old food, opened canned food, garbage, dirty diapers, old moldy baby bottles, and puke rags everywhere. Not to mention the dirty clothes piled up. I saw a pair of her underwear with a dirty pad stuck to it the other day. These people are ridiculous. They don’t vacuum, EVER. They don’t put the dishes in the sink, they don’t do laundry, and they don’t THROW AWAY GARBAGE AT ALL.

I really wouldn’t care if it weren’t for the smell. To get to me bedroom, I have to walk past theirs. It smells rotten. I don’t know how they can live in it. The dirty laundry alone smells like death.

It’s starting to get bad though. There’s a decent sized pile of dirty clothes OUTSIDE their bedroom door. Across the hall from their bedroom door is their bathroom. Garbage piled two feet high off the counter and on the floor behind the toilet. Dirty pads and tampons just sitting in a clear garbage bag on the floor. The smell is worse than the bedroom.

To make things 10 times worse.. Their baby is only three months old. They have HIM living like that and it isn’t acceptable. I mean, I have him most of the time just because they’re lazy, and pathetic… but really. I’m the only person who cleans the kitchen.. and the only room that actually smells GOOD in this house is mine. Thank god my bathroom is attached only to my bedroom. I don’t like to be in any other room of the house but my own.

I can’t take this much longer.

Finally Moved Out

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Jebus. I had a roommate from hell for four months. He smoked weed in his room, took up my ENTIRE pantry and 95% of the fridge, left his f*cking boxes everywhere. Finally, he tells me he’s moving out two days before the end of the month and I’m just so happy he’s leaving that I don’t even bitch about the fact he was supposed to give me at least fifteen days notice according to the rental agreement.

Turns out that him leaving was worse, because he trashed the room, stole my left-over pizza (all the food I had until the 8th), left air fresheners plugged into every socket – and he knew I am allergic. He left the carpet in what I can only assume is a health-hazardous condition, black marks on the wall, broke the blinds in his room, I’m actually scared to touch anything in his bathroom, there’s bits of weed and stem in every dresser drawer, and at some point he’d found my internet stick which I expressly did not give him permission to use and wracked up a $400 bill. He did not leave a forwarding address, and his phone number isn’t connected right now.

To top things off, he went into my room and stole $500 – the same amount as his damage deposit.

F*cking hate fucking people.

Spoiled and Lazy

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Dear Roommate,

You are a spoiled brat. Our closet is overflowing with your clothes but you tell me that you still don’t think you have enough. Are you kidding? You have more clothes in your closet right now than most people acquire IN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES!!!!! Yet, when you get tired of them, you don’t donate them to the poor people all over your country, no, you give them to other people who don’t need them as much. You also have over thirty pairs of shoes. Thirty. When I told you this, you chuckled and said : “Oh, wow, I haven’t even counted them all.” HOW GREEDY CAN YOU GET????!!!!

When I suggested that you maybe give some of the pair you don’t wear as much to others, you growled and said that you wear them all. You don’t need thirty pairs of shoes. I mean, sure, I, too have more than I need, but I have around ten or eleven pairs of shoes, and I will donate things that I don’t wear or use as much to the less fortunate, while you are a pack rat and a hoarder. You also refuse to give two shits about the environment. You spend at least six hours a day on the computer, always keeping it plugged in, (along with a lot of other things) wasting your time, energy, and the school’s money. When I tried to confront you about this, you just shrank back and mumbled, like you know I’m right, but your lazy to get off your ass and change your habits. Seriously, you are from Thailand, and if people refuse to reduce their energy consumption, the polar ice caps will keep melting and a lot of your fellow Thai citizens will lose their homes and become even more poor, but do you care? No. That’s how selfish you are. Finally, all you eat is processed, freeze-dried food, also very ecologically unsustainable. You refuse to even try any of the school’s meals. What a waste of your parents’ money. YOU SELFISH, GREEDY, SPOILED, BRAT!!!!!!

Noisy, Stinky, Creepy – you do the math

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Apparently doesn’t have the courtesy to masturbate when I’m not in the room. Instead, they find it optimal to masturbate at night when I’m trying to f*cking sleep. Boy, I sure do love trying to rest while the bed is shaking and I’m hearing wet, moaning noises that give me goosebumps from down below.

On a good day, with the window open, the room smells like a dog shelter.

Does not wash their jaundiced, rancid bedsheets. An unpardonable sin.

Walks around the bathroom barefooted, and then walks around the room barefooted. (Let’s drag whatever shit is floating around there back to our room! Woohoo!) It f*cking sounds like a dying fish flopping around crazily every time they walk around the room barefooted.

Leaves what looks like flakes, dead skin, hair and dirt all over the ground. Never sweeps these up. (I do.)

Lacks the common sense to wipe their goddamn shoes after treading in the snow and mud all day before entering the room.

I at least have the courtesy not to turn on the main light to the room–which are bright as f*ck and ring loudly–when coming home late. Unfortunately I, who sleeps on the top bunk and not even two feet away from the main light, have to be subjected to the lights being turned on when they come home late… when the goddamn desk lamps–which provide enough light with minimum noise and minimum insane brightness that not even the bedsheets can mask–are right… f*cking… there.

Makes f*cked-up Hannibal Lecter-type sucking noises in the morning.

Takes way too long to get ready in the morning. Over a f*cking hour. Always has to make their morning drink (every–f*cking–day) as loudly as possible: slamming the microwave door, spoons smacking against the glass and loud, painfully, hair-raisingly loud GULPING noises when consuming said morning drink.

Never helps keeping the room clean. (Me, I sweep the floor, mop the floor, wipe down everything that is touched by human hands with disinfectant wipes, etc.)

Giggles and rants breathlessly to themselves. High-pitched whispers about god knows what and crazy-ass moaning noises. Sounds creepy as hell, like f*cking Pazuzu from The Exorcist.

Cannot put their stinkbomb shoes in the closet after use. Seriously, after taking off their shoes, the whole place instantly smells acutely like a sewer. I have put down a lot of money in air freshener products and sprays.

Puts said shoes by the fridge.

Every night has to make sure their drawers and the door is locked by pulling on the handles incessantly and making loud banging noises.

Snores so badly. I’ve heard them all: Vader-like snores, guttural snores, weezing snores, etc. There are nights when I can’t even sleep.

I can’t wait to go home.

Couldn’t Be Bothered

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To begin, this is my third roommate. I don’t know what it is, but I have had very different sorts of roommates (and by that I mean they were all entitled bitches from the suburbs but have slightly different opinions about what constitutes a mess and how to be a tolerable person to live with). My current roommate, lets call her Ella, is no better than the last two but she has some very special qualities that make her perhaps more annoying.

Firstly, whenever she has her boyfriend over she feels the need to make a huge mess and never clean it up nor put the 283928 beer bottles she has accumulated over the evening in the friggin recycling she insisted on, she never does dishes and feels that unless the dishes are 99% hers she shouldn’t have to (and yet when they are I still somehow end up doing them), she waits until the last minute to get me her rent check and yet when she needs money for the cable I must pay it to her immediately with no notice, she clearly doesn’t like my boyfriend and feels the need to be incredibly awkward and borderline rude to him every time he is over, she takes up all of the storage and never has offered to move anything to make room for my things including storing some strange sort of work-out pod in the hall closet leaving no room for winter coats, she leaves a trail of crumbs, batter, pasta, and whatever else wherever she goes, and she feels the need to leave ME passive aggressive notes about having the heat on IN THE FRIGGIN WINTER.

Tonight she “confronted” me about leaving the heat on downstairs (that barely works) and I told her about my grievances to which she looked at me like I had accused her of killing puppies and proceeded to say that me cleaning was a “recent thing” by that she must have meant that I didn’t clean the two weeks I didn’t live here yet. UGH!!! I wish her boyfriend would get his ass in gear so she can move out already and he can deal with her insanity. I HATE ROOMMATES!!!

Hamster Poop

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This week I had to remind my flatmate to clean out her hamster cage, I had already fed and watered him myself, he hadn’t been seen for quite some time and I actually thought he might be dead or moved out due to the stink.

So she starts to clear it out after seeming a bit pissed off, she used her bare hands to empty the sodden, stinky, poop filled cage filling (I don’t know what it is I don’t care, it looks like wood shavings or torn up paper)

she then put the parts of the cage, which come off on top of the cooker, I’ve seen the hamster piss indiscriminately, on these parts which have no sort of bedding, that was the first part that made me feel sick.

Then she went on to clean these bits in the kitchen sink with the clean dishes on the side. I could get over that, if an hour later when I went back in to the kitchen and looked in the sink, to see that she hadn’t bothered the rinse the sink of the poop, let alone use any kind of disinfectant!!! if that wasn’t bad enough, she just put any dirty pots back in to the sink on top of this.

All of this and only last week she found out she had an e.coli infection when she though she had cystitis, it all makes sense now. But I cant understand how a 21 year old wouldn’t know that this is NOT OK!

Fat Snoring Slob!

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My Roommate is a very nice guy, so I hate to be mean, but oh my god does this guy smell like sh*t. I swear I don’t think he brushes his teeth. His toothbrush has been on the same place on the shelf for months and it doesnt look used at ALL. Also he leaves his food and sh*t EVERYWHERE, He left fries open on his desk. Just open, no covering or anything, for WHOLE WEEK. I asked him if he was gonna eat them and he said, no and he apologized saying he would throw them away. but a few days later he still hadnt touched them. So while he was in class, I put them on his pillow. I came back to find them moved right NEXT to his bed. Eventually he FINALLY threw them out. (and took out his “trash box”, yes he doesnt have a trash can or waste basket, instead shoving all his trash into a small cardbord box which he empties and doesnt change.) Also, he snores like a god damn FOG HORN, its so awful. He is just a disgusting human being, who smells, is overweight, eats wayyyy to much ramen, which smells up the goddam dorm room. He also never paid me for his half of the microfridge. I feel bad for whoever has to live with this guy next year…

Disgusting Roomie

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My roomie of around a year was intolerable. Due to student housing we had to share a large room, and a bathroom. This girl used the same towels the entire YEAR without washing them, used a sleeping bag on top of her mattress which went unwashed the entire year. The only things she washed were her body and her clothes, which didn’t help with the overwhelming scent in the room.

She ate 99 cent TV dinners which made the entire apartment smell like horrid, overcooked slop, and never cleaned a bit until we got her off her Xbox and screamed at her to clean. But the worst by far was about a week before she moved out. She had stashed every single dirty tampon and pad from the last three months underneath the sink in our bathroom….behind an EMPTY trash can! The blood stuck to the cabinets and stunk like something had died in our bathroom! No wonder I had been taking too many showers recently, I thought it was ME who was stinking up the bathroom. No, it was my filthy, disgusting roomie.

Amanda, I hope you rot in hell for making me go through a year of your uncleanliness.