FMR - Fuck My Rommates

Here's the situation: I live in a house with a bunch a shit heads. As a whole, they are dirty ass hippies who suck at life. I should have never moved into a house with these degenerates. They are filthy, stupid, yet see themselves as "progressive" for being dirty fucking

I fucking can't stand this selfish pice of crap

So, I have been roomming w/ a friend of mine from college for one month because I just moved to the City. She is so selfish, moody, argumentative, and seems to be lacking decent human courtesy. First of all, this is NYC, so the walls are paper thin, I can hear every noise

Cheap and Lazy

I knew you were a strange person going into this. We were friends in high school, and you had strange habits. You only wore black because you had social anxiety and apparently if you wore colors, you would be noticed (never mind that you were known school-wide as the

Stop using MY PlayStation 3

Look, I understand you're bored, you're stir crazy. But...you have an android smart phone, you have DVD's galore, a TV in YOUR room, a Super Nintendo, a Nintendo 64, and a gaming computer. You waltz into MY room whenever you feel like it, to play MY PlayStation 3 that I

Freeloading

You two have made me angry since I moved in, and I've said nothing. You eat my food without telling me, you drink my beer, you have the SAME SHIT in the freezer you did a year ago! Why the fuck do you think its OK to take up 95% of the freezer space when two other people also

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Angry

Hypocrite!

Posted on May 15, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Idiots, Lazy, Nasty, Noise | 2 Comments

I used to be a bitch, I admit it, but I have matured a lot since high school. But thanks to you I find myself regressing back. I will never forget the fact you are the biggest hypocritical whore I know. Last semester we became great friends, I thought you were an amazing example of what a Christian girl should be like. I admired you, but I should’ve seen the signs and STAYED THE HELL AWAY! When you first told me you cheated on your boyfriend, I comforted you and told you to just go pray about it. A couple weeks later you told me you did it again. This soon became a repeated event. And you would go into detail about what you did. Why oh why did I agree to move into a two bedroom with you!? My grandmother warned me about you “She’s nothing but a whore and a bitch. Don’t move in with her girl.” I should’ve listened. Now I know who you really are and I will forever regret this. You claim to be a Christian girl but we both know this is far from what you really are. You dress like a hooker and run around the college apartments in nothing but a sports bra and spandex booty shorts, You flirt with every guy you meet, even if you know they have a girlfriend, you treat your parents like children, and you call your sister ugly! Some godly girl huh? You also were so adamant about marrying your boyfriend but cheated on him more times than not. Now you cry and wonder what went wrong. HELLO! You screwed half the baseball team and then some, is it really that hard to figure out what went wrong?! Just because your boyfriend lives 45 minutes away doesn’t mean you can screw around on him. And just because Jesus forgives our sins does not mean it’s okay to use that as an excuse.

Another thing I hate about you: You are the most disrespectful person on this earth. Treating me like dirt every day is not cool. Giving me attitude every time I ask you a question is not cool. Talking about me behind my back IS NOT COOL! FYI The ladies at church know about you. They know you put up a front pretending to be a good girl. No I did not tell them (well I might have called you a huge hypocrite a time or two but that’s it). They have watched you and told me they can see it. And when we had lunch with them, they noticed it. You aren’t as good at pretending as you thought. So before you move to CS I hope you know everyone here refers to you as “the whore of *insert our college’s name here*”

When you told me you never had any friends that were girls I always wondered why. Well now I know and I’m the fool for believing I could help you. If I was a more assertive person I would tell you all this in person, but then you would find some way to blame me and I would wind up in jail for attempted murder. So continue on with your destructive ways, just know there’s only one way to heaven and you a’int walking it. I never in my life hated anyone as much as you(except my stepmother) so rot in hell you harlot.

P.S Clean your dishes! Take out the trash when you see it’s full don’t leave it there for me to come home to everyday! One last thing: you’re not the only one who lives here, so STOP BLASTING YOUR MUSIC AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT! If you aren’t here turn it off, if you know I’m here, turn it down! You selfish bitch think of others once in a while!

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To My Roommate…

Posted on May 14, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Dear Roommate, Idiots, Lazy, Noise | Leave a comment

This is an actual letter I left my roommate:

Hey J___,
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for making my life a living hell this year! Living with you has been the worst decision I’ve made in college thus far. You are the most blatantly disrespectful person I’ve ever had the misfortune to know. Let’s examine that claim, shall we?
Remember when you insisted that we have a “Zero boys” policy in our room? Did I miss something when I thought that meant NO FUCKING BOYS IN OUR ROOM??
Because….
I remember E____ spending the night without my permission. I remember C_____ spending the night without my permission. I remember your “friend” (boyfriend/boy toy/whatever the fuck?) R___ trying to climb out our window…Are your friends retarded? What kind of people are you associating with these days? (OH! Remember when you got a tattoo done in our room and the “artist” spilled ink all over our carpet? GENIOUS! Just brilliant!) And I remember when K____ was here all night and finally left when I said I had an exam in the morning and I turned the lights off on your sorry asses. Aw, what a shame that you guys had to stop your middle school PDA and he had to take his hand out of your pants.
Who the hell are you, anyway? I think a fucking psychopath abducted the J____ I used to like (once upon a time) and said hey, let’s get some tattoos, a nose piercing, and start screwing a bunch of Marines!
Now let’s talk about the countless hours you’ve spent on the phone and on Skype….when I was trying to sleep. Lately you seem to have adopted some really awesome habit of Skyping yet another dude every night from 11:30pm to…??? My favorite was probably when I turned the light off and you kept Skyping anyway! Un-fucking-believable!!
Do you have a fucking brain? Unlike you, I am a full time student and I’m taking 400 level classes. I have a lot of shit to do and your actions show nothing but blatant disregard for that fact. I’ve lived nearly the entire spring semester with my headphones in during the day and ear plugs at night in a vain attempt to escape your loud, obnoxious conversations. I literally think I lose a few brain cells every time you speak.
Have a fucking fantastic life somewhere far away from me. For your sake, I hope we never see each other again because I’ll make sure you regret it if we do.

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Watched Me Sleep

Posted on May 13, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Lazy, Mess | Leave a comment

Dear roommate,

You never stopped staring at me, even while I was sleeping. You went out and bought all the same make up as me, then had your 16 year old fiancee tell me I was doing it wrong. You also had him tell me how unattractive he found me. So thanks for that. Without you I would not have discovered my psychological triggers… so thanks for that too, I guess.

It’s weird that your side of the room is finally clean especially since you were hiding food beneath dirty clothes and random trash throughout the year. Remember when you left a sandwich in your dirty clothes hamper for 3 weeks?

Thank god we’re leaving soon because I’ve been having dreams where I kill you for the past 5 months. You are completely ignorant, rude, hurtful, and gross. You…you were here.

Goodbye.

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Stupid, drunk hot mess

Posted on May 12, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Drugs, Food, Garbage, Idiots, Mess, Nasty, Noise | Leave a comment

My roommate was new for the Fall semester. This was her 3rd college. The last one she was in, someplace in Florida, she had gotten a full ride to for playing volleyball, but lost it because she got caught drinking and her mommy and daddy couldn’t pay for it anymore. The first time I met her, I came back from somewhere and she was already getting ready to go out and her friend was using our shower, something that she didn’t even ask me if it was okay. Then a knock came on the door and a whole parade of obnoxious freshmen came in (I could tell they were freshmen because they were waaaay too dressed up to go out). Now, don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with her going out on the weekends to party or getting ready in our room, but just ask first before letting someone I don’t even know use our shower. But I then turn around and see she has a bunch of huge bottles of Vlad vodka in her hand and she’s mixing it with Gatorade and Turkey Hill tea and giving it to the freshmen. As someone who is only 20 and an education major, I can’t get caught with alcohol (which, even if you AREN’T an education major, most people know). Needless to say I was pissed. But oh no, that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. The following weekend I went back home to work. When I came back to school on Sunday afternoon, there were empty pizza boxes thrown on MY BED and other crap tossed on MY DESK. She had also been caught earlier that weekend smoking weed in our FUCKING ROOM. Seriously, we LIVE ON CAMPUS. If you’re gonna smoke weed, go somewhere else and do it. She also left our bathroom a complete mess and threw her dirty nasty towels on the floor. When I confronted her about the alcohol privately (and when she was actually SOBER for once), she promised me she’d get rid of it. She never did. Now, I’m not a tattletale, I’m really not. But when it comes to MY education and MY future that is coming out of MY pocket, that’s when I get pissed. I went to the housing director and told her, who met with my room mate and told her to get rid of the alcohol. My room mate (who we will call “ginger bitch”), was apparently “so sorry” and would get rid of it “right away.” Nope, she didn’t. And, she never DID apologize to me, she just ignored me and pouted. Then when I would either be trying to sleep or study, she would make a point of blaring her loud music or inviting her friends over, one of which CLIPPED HER TOENAILS NEXT TO MY TOOTHBRUSH. I was at the end of my rope the night that happened, but more so when ginger bitch came back after partying and was so intoxicated that 2 big guys had to hold her up. She came falling back into the room calling me a “bitch” and a “c**t” and threatening to kill me. At that point I was done. I called the campus police, but sadly she got away before they could find her. I later found out that she had alcohol poisoning that night and had to be rushed to the hospital. I honestly wish they would have just let her die. Oh, and the housing department? Didn’t do a damn thing until I had sent almost 3 different emails to them complaining about her and how awful she was. Their response? it would take a whole FUCKING MONTH to get her ass evicted. It was either that or I’d be the one to have to move out, even though I didn’t do a DAMN THING WRONG. Eventually, though, she decided to move out on her own and live with a bunch of her party slut friends. A few months later, I heard through some people who went to high school with her that she spent most of her time when she lived with me bitching about what a “little snob” I was and “how weird I am; all she does is study!” Bitch, it’s COLLEGE. Grow the fuck up!!

Sincerely, a pissed off Elementary Ed. major

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Passive Agressive Much

Posted on May 12, 2012 by admin Posted in Angry, Annoying, College, Lazy, Mess, Noise | Leave a comment

Seriously. If you’ve got a problem with something, say it. Don’t just walk around sighing all the time – that won’t get anything accomplished.

And I mean really, is it that hard to say “hi” every now or then. You know, I tried, way back at the beginning of first semester. I’d walk in, say “Hey!” What would I get back. A blank stare over the edge of your computer. The few times that I seemed to catch you off guard (yeah, remember person who sleeps in the room too, who showers there, keeps her clothes there, well she has to come back to the room every now and then too) you would let out a small “hi.” then go immediately back to your computer or textbooks. So, sorry I don’t talk to you anymore, but if you never reply, why bother?

And I understand, you are taking one of the hardest majors offered at our school and you’re going into some really technical science program, and us liberal arts majors just don’t understand the difficulties you face in your studies. We should just accept that all those difficulties make you very exhausted and need to nap almost every afternoon. But you see, that’s interesting, because while I am a liberal arts major, I have less time in my day to spend studying because I am actually involved in on campus organizations that take up 20+ hours of my week in addition to my class hours. Yet your 15 or 17 or so so class hours, plus however many study hours that EVERYONE puts into classes is somehow just so much more exhausting. Yup I get it. You need to sleep. By all means. It’s not like it’s interfering with any of my work that I have to do.

Oh, wait, it is. See you taking the room for your daily several hour naps would not be a problem, because there’s this awesome table out in the common area of our suite that we can all use. Oh, wait. You put all your shit on it. Your laptop and all your science textbooks, your note cards and writing utensils, your purse and your book bag, your coffee maker and practically everything else you have. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes we leave our stuff in the common area where we all spend time and need the space because sometimes we have to practices and performances on time, but it’s always understood that after a day or two, those things would be cleaned up and everyone can now use the space again. Oh, wait. You aren’t involved in ANYTHING! Getting into our room for those naps is just so important you have to leave all your shit there on the table so no one else can use it because you could never be late for that ever important nap. Right.

So excuse me when I’m not happy about coming back to my dorm after classes, with only three hours to finish my homework before going to a four hour practice, and finding my door shut because you need your nap. Again.

Because, really, I’m obviously the one who is inconveniencing you, coming into our room and getting my homework and laptop, interrupting your nap, so that I can take them out to the coffee table and sit on the floor and hope to finish my homework before practice. I really don’t mind that you huff when I walk in and toss over because I’m making small noises by getting my books out of my desk. Really, don’t mind at all. Cuz, you were obviously asleep already anyway – not.

Look, I get it, I haven’t been the most considerate roommate in the world, but face it bitch, neither have you. Stop acting like you’re a princess and your mommy’s here to look after you. Hope scientists get daily siestas in their labs, because the real world’s gonna be quite a shocker if not.

Fuck off, Bitch.

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