Apparently doesn’t have the courtesy to masturbate when I’m not in the room. Instead, they find it optimal to masturbate at night when I’m trying to f*cking sleep. Boy, I sure do love trying to rest while the bed is shaking and I’m hearing wet, moaning noises that give me goosebumps from down below.
On a good day, with the window open, the room smells like a dog shelter.
Does not wash their jaundiced, rancid bedsheets. An unpardonable sin.
Walks around the bathroom barefooted, and then walks around the room barefooted. (Let’s drag whatever shit is floating around there back to our room! Woohoo!) It f*cking sounds like a dying fish flopping around crazily every time they walk around the room barefooted.
Leaves what looks like flakes, dead skin, hair and dirt all over the ground. Never sweeps these up. (I do.)
Lacks the common sense to wipe their goddamn shoes after treading in the snow and mud all day before entering the room.
I at least have the courtesy not to turn on the main light to the room–which are bright as f*ck and ring loudly–when coming home late. Unfortunately I, who sleeps on the top bunk and not even two feet away from the main light, have to be subjected to the lights being turned on when they come home late… when the goddamn desk lamps–which provide enough light with minimum noise and minimum insane brightness that not even the bedsheets can mask–are right… f*cking… there.
Makes f*cked-up Hannibal Lecter-type sucking noises in the morning.
Takes way too long to get ready in the morning. Over a f*cking hour. Always has to make their morning drink (every–f*cking–day) as loudly as possible: slamming the microwave door, spoons smacking against the glass and loud, painfully, hair-raisingly loud GULPING noises when consuming said morning drink.
Never helps keeping the room clean. (Me, I sweep the floor, mop the floor, wipe down everything that is touched by human hands with disinfectant wipes, etc.)
Giggles and rants breathlessly to themselves. High-pitched whispers about god knows what and crazy-ass moaning noises. Sounds creepy as hell, like f*cking Pazuzu from The Exorcist.
Cannot put their stinkbomb shoes in the closet after use. Seriously, after taking off their shoes, the whole place instantly smells acutely like a sewer. I have put down a lot of money in air freshener products and sprays.
Puts said shoes by the fridge.
Every night has to make sure their drawers and the door is locked by pulling on the handles incessantly and making loud banging noises.
Snores so badly. I’ve heard them all: Vader-like snores, guttural snores, weezing snores, etc. There are nights when I can’t even sleep.
I can’t wait to go home.
